Reading to Grow: Nurturing the Self and Connecting with Others

A week or so ago, I read an essay titled “What self-help books tell us about ourselves” in The Economist. After reading the article a couple of times, highlighting parts, and writing notes, I realized that I wanted to share my thoughts—not only about self-help books, but about reading in general.

The article presented the following question regarding self-help books:

Do they help selves?

I would say yes, with a caveat. People cannot expect to become masters of anything simply by reading one self-help book—or any book, for that matter. Books are not one-hit wonders. A person needs to read deeply on a particular subject to gain the knowledge necessary to improve their life or cope with a specific issue.

The essay mentions The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Atomic Habits, and even the Stoics.

It critiques modern self-help books by using The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse franchise as a symbol of the genre’s current state: hugely popular, emotionally soothing, and light on genuine instruction. The author argues that while such books promise guidance, comfort, or transformation, they rarely deliver concrete change. Instead, they function as cultural mirrors, revealing the anxieties, desires, and values of their time.

The author also contends that much modern self-help is both overly adult—obsessed with efficiency and time—and oddly childish, favoring simplistic language, emotional indulgence, and slogans about “authenticity.” Even when it borrows from Stoicism or philosophy, it distorts those traditions by reframing them as tools for personal happiness rather than guides to living a good life.

Ultimately, the essay questions whether self-help truly helps at all. It says that evidence suggests its benefits are minimal, while greater fulfillment comes from “unselfing”: directing attention away from oneself through relationships, nature, art, and shared experiences. The conclusion suggests that readers might be better off skipping self-help books altogether and choosing something that draws them outward instead.

The premise sounds wonderful—”to draw outward”—but it feels like a fantasy to me. You have to start somewhere, and for me, as for many others, that starting point is books.

What is self-help, anyway?

According to the American Psychological Association, self-help is “a focus on self-guided, in contrast to professionally guided, efforts to cope with life problems. Self-help can involve self-reliance, in which one addresses such problems on one’s own (e.g., by reading self-help books), or it can involve joining with others to address shared concerns together, as in self-help groups.”1

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is “the action or process of bettering oneself or overcoming one’s problems without the aid of others.”2

I am a believer in self-help books. I have mentioned in many of my posts that I grew up without a father or any male role model, and it wasn’t until I joined the military that I was able to find myself, so to speak. Self-help books were key during my military career and remain essential as I navigate fatherhood. They taught me strategic planning, time management, how to conduct meetings, how to coach and mentor people, and how to discuss annual performance appraisals.

I consider all books to be self-help, because their pages teach me history, philosophy, faith, social and cultural issues, poetry, how to write, and how to read.

Could I learn all that through “relationships, nature, art, and shared experiences,” as the author suggests? Sure—but do you know how much time I would need to spend “out there” trying to learn what I want to know? Books meet my needs just fine.

Another thing that stood out to me while reading the essay was the author’s criticism of “childish, favoring simplistic language” in some self-help books. Some of the best management books out there use simple, even childlike language. I’ll mention just three must-reads for managers and leaders: The One Minute Manager, The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, and Who Moved My Cheese? These books have done more for me than many of the more “serious” books I read in college or institutional courses. They are simple—and effective.

Now, I know there are many books out there that are not very effective. I don’t want to call them “bad books,” because even those can teach you something. The key is learning how to assess a book—whether by walking into a bookstore, getting your hands on a physical copy, reading a few pages, or consulting reviews. 

A reader also needs to read with an open mind. Authors are not perfect and they do their best to convey their thoughts and experiences on a particular subject. Our task as readers is to dig deep and find that kernel of knowledge and follow it by reading other books until you get a clear picture. Sometimes the subject is complex and one or two books are not enough. I’m experiencing that with the history of the United States. There are some many perspectives. If you think that what you learn in High school or college is enough, you are mistaken.  

Also, I know that sometimes books are not enough and one-on-one professional help is needed. When that is the case, you should seek that help. Professionals can help you walk through a particular issue and provide options to resolve it.

I want to end by saying that I read because I want to improve myself so that I can be of use to others. If I don’t take care of the “self,” then there won’t be any “unselfing.” That’s a fact.


  1. https://dictionary.apa.org/self-help ↩︎
  2. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-help ↩︎

One more thing:

My friend Linda, from The Mindful Migraine Blog, celebrated her 2nd blog anniversary on 17 January 2026. She’s actually having a Purple Friendsgiving (Virtual) Tea Party on the 21st and 22nd of February. I told her that I would be out of town that weekend but that I would be celebrating with her and others in spirit. I really wanted to be part of the celebration, so the photo below is my attempt to show her my celebratory spirit.

Happy 2nd blog anniversary, my friend!

Having some black tea – Photo by Ed Ortiz

27 thoughts on “Reading to Grow: Nurturing the Self and Connecting with Others

  1. “I consider all books to be self-help”, I agree with this phrase – we learn from everything we read, whether it’s good, bad, or otherwise. Similar to your youth, there was a lot I saw as a child that I knew wasn’t right, and I was desperate to find a better way. I read a lot of self-help books that helped me see things differently.
    Edward, you seem to have a knack for finding timely articles from The Economist and putting together very insightful blog posts. I like reading your thoughtful articles.
    Happy 2nd blog anniversary to Linda. ☕(that’s a cup of emoji-style tea) 😊

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    1. Thank you so much, Rose. Books have given me so many answers when I needed them most. I guess nowadays people just Google or ask ChatGPT for answers. I’d rather read books, though. I like to share useful articles with the community, and The Economist has so many.

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  2. This is a meaningful reflection on the value of reading. I like how you balance personal growth with the idea of connecting more deeply with others—reading not just as self-improvement, but as preparation for better relationships and service. It’s a good reminder that books work best when they shape how we live and engage with the world.🤝🎉

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  3. Very interesting thoughts, Edward. It seems evident (IMHO) that books, of all types, can be more/less helpful, more/less informative, depending on who’s reading it and their level and use of the information. I’m not sure why that would be any different for the self- help category. It does seem unfair to categorically dismiss it when there are perspectives the reader may be exposed to for the first time.

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    1. Thank you, Scott. You’re spot on, and that was the issue with the essay. There are things that people do not know or understand, so there is no way for them to know where to begin looking for help. A book can help start that process.

      Man, I have stories about people telling me that alcohol, for example, was the solution to their daily problems. With that kind of advice, no wonder some people are in trouble. Like you said, it all depends on the person reading the book. Sadly, there are a lot of people who are not going to read or seek professional help because they are stuck in their ways.

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  4. A wide subject, Edward. One response. I encountered a fair number of patients and others who were forever looking for “the answer” to their problems in self-help books. Of course, there was never an answer, so they tried another book. The danger is that they don’t engage in the world enough, and their books become a way of avoiding it. I realize some books are helpful, but past a few, it might be better for most to find another way.

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    1. Thank you, Dr. Stein, for your comment. You have a lot of experience in this area, so of course you are right. There is a huge danger in depending solely on books to solve deep-seated issues. I don’t think books alone can help a person suffering from PTSD or tackle a complicated physical chemistry equation, no matter how many books a person reads. We need psychologists and physical chemistry teachers to help with that. Good books typically recommend getting professional help, but of course some people skip those parts.

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  5. 👋💜How fabulous! THANK YOU for showing up like this – you are an absolute star!! In my mind the invite is working beautifully already; making people smile and feel connected – I’m so thrilled that we crossed digital paths and that we keep inspiring each other to stay positive – one cup of tea at a time! 💜🍵

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    1. You’re so welcome, my friend. Again, happy 2nd blog anniversary! I hope that next month’s virtual celebration is a total success. I’m also so glad that we connected and that we are inspiring each other… one cup of tea (or coffee) at a time. 🫖 🍵 ☕️ 🫶🏼

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  6. A few decades back, I had a manager who assigned her team 4 Self Help books a year. Each quarter we had to read the book and start talking the lingo. It became an inside joke among the team. HR got involved when she had us post our Myers Briggs personality types outside our cubicles so we could “interact according to personality types”.

    That said, I really enjoyed your post and agree that some of the less complex self-help books are easier to work with. It’s like making baby steps towards the person we want to be. Or as a coder … quick fixes to the programming.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, that was a little out of line. We used to get books assigned to discuss during our officer professional development meetings, but we were never “forced” to follow a particular book’s approach. Posting personality type results—that’s crazy.

      Thank you for your comment, Joni. I see books that way, they help me take baby steps toward becoming a better person.

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  7. I’ve never read any self-help books. I try to be open to learning from experience by paying close attention to what’s happening and listening to other people. I’ve learned the most about myself from reading fiction and poetry and engaging with it at a deep level.

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    1. That’s a blessing, Liz. I guess it depends on the environment where a person grew up. When I was growing up, I was aware of what was happening around me and knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know who to turn to for advice or what “right” looked like. That’s where books helped me. Even time management was a dilemma. A lot of senior leaders in the military think they know time management. I used to ask them how to manage time at work and at home. They were quick to tell me all about time management at work, but at home… all I heard was crickets. They used to say, “Well, do the best you can there, and make sure you spend time with your wife and kids.” Clueless! Books helped me in that area too, and then I was able to give my soldiers good advice when they asked.

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      1. You’re right about my being blessed. My dad always talked with me about what was happening in the world in an age-appropriate fashion. He was my go-to for help and advice when I was older. If I needed a warrior advocate, I went to my mother. My parents balanced each other out very well. I sure do miss them.

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  8. Great piece my friend. I am a huge fan of self-help books. I realized though that I actually have to do the work that I’m seeking though. Otherwise I’ve just purchased 26,567 words in a book just telling me how I could be a more effective manager or why adding peptides to my coffee could assist with my skin’s elasticity.

    I miss bookstores. Self Help books and a latte. Those were the days!

    Great pic here and cheers to our friend Dr. Linda! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend. You’re right about doing the work, we have to apply the good things we learn from books. I’m lucky because I have a Barnes & Noble, BAM, and about four local bookstores in my area. Yes, a book and coffee is a delight.

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      1. You are so lucky! I miss the B&N touch. Borders was my go to place back in the day.

        Funny I just pulled out one of my Spartan Race self help books as I need to re-read a specific training chapter. Timely!!

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