The Overlooked Side of Retirement: Mattering

“Many of us plan for our future wealth and health. Few prepare for an equally essential aspect of retirement: how to continue to feel seen and valued.” – Jennifer Breheny Wallace

This quote opens a great article in the Wall Street Journal titled The Retirement Crisis: No One Warns You About: Mattering.

Mattering is described as “a psychological human need. A person matters when they are not only contributing to others, but also feeling valued for that contribution.”1

I’m not sure this qualifies as an actual “crisis,” as the article suggests—it’s probably a bit of a stretch—but it’s definitely a problem that affects many people, especially in the military.

During my time in the Army, I often heard teammates—both military and civilian—say they were trying to avoid retirement at all costs. One of the main reasons they gave was that they needed to keep working to stay active and engaged. Some were deep in debt and felt compelled to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. Now that I think about it, buying cars and boats close to retirement might have been a deliberate way to justify staying in the workforce.

The news article highlights how difficult it is for retirees to find meaningful ways to contribute. Many experience not just a lack of opportunities, but also a loss of mattering—the sense of being valued and able to make a difference. Research shows that neglecting this need can lead to depression and diminished well-being, emphasizing that planning for retirement should include not just finances and health, but also a kind of ongoing purpose that sustains a sense of mattering.

Mattering, a term introduced by sociologist Morris Rosenberg2, involves feeling significant, appreciated, invested in, and depended on. Retirees who maintain these elements—through social connections, purposeful activity, or volunteering—thrive, while those who don’t often struggle. Examples in the article include retirees engaging in mentoring, volunteering in projects like Repair Cafés, where retirees fix computers and other items, or founding nonprofits such as Welcome Home, which collects gently used home goods and provides them to families starting over after fires or homelessness.

The bottom line of the article is that sustaining mattering requires active participation: accepting or extending invitations, identifying needs in others, and contributing time, talent, or resources—which I wholeheartedly agree with.

There’s a joke among friends that I started thinking about retirement as soon as I started working. It’s funny, but true. Retirement is a deliberate action, and it takes years of planning. Finances are a big piece—debt needs to be managed so you don’t reach retirement with all your money going to pay bills. Sometimes this is unavoidable, but we should try to avoid that situation when possible. But the issue of mattering—living purposely—is equally important, and we need to think about it.

I began that process about five years before my own retirement. The concept of this blog was part of that five-year plan. After leading teams for so long, analyzing information and intelligence to guide those depending on you, there is inevitably a hole that needs to be filled productively to keep the brain active. I knew I didn’t want to follow the path many of my peers took—getting another civilian job to continue leading teams. That felt tiring, and I didn’t want an organization dictating how I spend my time. I wanted unstructured time to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Blogging fills that itch. I research, read, write, and share what I’m learning in hopes that it resonates with others, and that fills my “former Army officer mattering thing.”

I do a lot of other things as well, most recently volunteering with my homeowners association, where I was selected to serve as president this year. I also support our local food bank and an organization that provides specialized emergency housing and long-term care for women who have escaped sex trafficking or sexual exploitation.

I believe mattering is something that needs to be reassessed continuously. I’m starting to think about what’s next for me. I know I want to continue writing, so I’ve begun learning how to write articles for magazines and journals. The political situation in Puerto Rico and the countless leadership failures over the years on my beautiful island interest me deeply. How we, as Puerto Ricans, confront our historical and cultural realities while trying to move forward preoccupies my mind. I want to study it and write about it, and I’m currently figuring out how best to proceed.

As I reflect on all this, it’s clear I thought about retirement long before it arrived, knowing preparation mattered. I retired two and a half years ago, and I feel engaged, doing meaningful work—and I haven’t even mentioned the long list of house projects that will keep me busy for years to come.

The fastest way to feel valued is to make others feel valued, rebuilding a sense of purpose and connection in retirement and other life transitions. This, in essence, is what I took from the article, and I believe it should serve as a call to action for retirees and those nearing this important milestone. 

  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mattering ↩︎
  2. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/373242938_Rosenberg_Morris_1922-1992 ↩︎

83 thoughts on “The Overlooked Side of Retirement: Mattering”

  1. This really landed, Edward.🙏🏻💛
    We spend years planning how to retire, but not nearly enough time planning who we’ll be once the titles fall away. Your reflection captures that missing piece beautifully. Mattering isn’t accidental, it’s intentional.

    Reading this also reminded me of my father’s friends: a few seemed to become more energetic and alive after retirement, while a few others appeared to grow old almost overnight, as if something vital quietly switched off. The difference, in hindsight, feels less about age and more about whether they continued to feel useful, connected, and needed.🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you very much for reading and for sharing that piece about your father’s friends. I think that’s a great observation and a clear example of what happens to some people when they don’t have a good plan for what to do after retirement.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. True. 🙏🏻
        I couldn’t help remembering them because I looked up to them and seeing each of them being impacted differently was insightful.
        Your post is very well written and I could relate to it a lot. 🙏🏻💛

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  3. Mattering … What a great post, Edward. I’ve been fully retired for 12 years from a job that definitely made me feel like I mattered (nursing and nursing administration). I’ve sought out ways to continue to feel like I’m contributing, and have been fortunate to find some things that I can do on my own schedule. I no longer want to be committed to certain days and hours. I had plenty of that in my 40+ years full time career. Your writing is always well-thought-out, well-researched, and helpful. I’m betting that, through your blog, you matter to far more people than you realize.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. 40+ years in nursing is both rewarding and exhausting. I think it’s one of the toughest jobs out there because of the human component, dealing with sick people in different mental states, and including their families, is definitely something not everyone is capable of doing. I totally agree with you about owning your schedule; it’s so good to have that kind of freedom. I’m enjoying mine, and it’s going to get even better once my wife retires and joins me. Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate you.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. I love your approach to retirement — especially because this community benefits so much from your learning and sharing. The way you approach living purposely is inspirational.

    And I’m smiling about the house projects. Never ending, aren’t they?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Wynne. 🙏🏼 House projects, yes, and oh my goodness, so many. I’m a first-time homeowner, so I’m pacing myself. But one thing I know for sure: you’re not going to see me trying to seal the roof anytime soon. That, my friend, was your moment of glory. 💪🏼

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Ha, ha, ha. But that was only about 1 sq foot!

        You should have seen when we tiled the sides of the driveway. It was an epic project with my dear dad and mom and still makes me smile every time I see it!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  5. Inspiring piece and path you’re traveling, making a difference in your local community and online community. You definitely make others feel “seen and valued.” I hope that feeling is returned to you. Thank you for this share, Edward, and for showing up in the ways that you do for others.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. So good, Edward! One of my favorite theorists when I was in school was Nancy Schlossberg and her theory of transitions – “marginality vs. mattering” and you’ve captured what I love about her philosophy and perspective in this post. Having purpose, feeling valued – at every stage of life. So important. Many thanks for another gem right here! 💝

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Vicki. Great point about having purpose and feeling valued at every stage of life. I know this is focused on retirement, but wow, how much that is needed, especially among teenagers and young adults. That level of focus can set them on the right path for the rest of their lives. Thank you for adding that piece, my friend. 🫶🏼

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. What a vital point about retiring, Edward. We’re nearing this chapter in life, so I appreciate this post and will save it to share with my husband. 🙂 When the time comes, we will both dive into our hobbies even more than nowadays but also want to volunteer. Thank you, and have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Mattering truly matters! And it matters throughout our whole life, not only in retirement, for without a sense of value and purpose, life means little. And that’s why mattering is crucial at retirement. Because that is the time when many people tend to disconnect. Disconnect from tasks, people, purpose, etc. They call it the much-deserved rest after so many years working, but this “rest” often comes with a trap: isolation, devaluation, inactivity, and eventually disease. Many people start to get sick after their retirement, and I believe it’s exactly because of that—lack of mattering. A great post, Edward! A lot of things to ponder here and a very inspiring call to action. Thank you for this important share! Much enjoyed! Light and blessings to you, always, my friend! ✨🙏

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. You’re welcome, Susana. This part is spot on: “Disconnect from tasks, people, purpose, etc. They call it the much-deserved rest after so many years working, but this “rest” often comes with a trap: isolation, devaluation, inactivity, and eventually disease.” This is devastating to our well-being if we don’t pay attention and let ourselves fall into that trap. Just going out for walks, connecting with nature, and saying hi to people is a health boost. Finding our purpose and connection with others is key. Thank you, my friend. 🙏🏼

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. i know a lot of retired patients who fall into depression after retirement because they lose the structure and their whole identity was tied to their job/position. it’s something that they weren’t expecting, tbh i don’t think a lot of pple expect it. but volunteering, engaging in passion projects or frequent meet ups with friends and former colleagues do help.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Sadly, I think we all know someone in that position, but like you said, volunteering, engaging in projects, or just meeting up with friends once in a while helps. We pushed ourselves out of bed every day to go to work, and now that we are retired, we want to stay home isolated. That’s a recipe for disaster. Retirement gives you the freedom to get out of bed every day and do the things you love instead of what you had to do to get a paycheck. If we look around us, there are many people who love the things we love. We just need to go connect and share together.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  17. A very important post as a mother of six I have wrote posts on Horticulture and growing veg with my kids,recipes,knitting patterns and my creations on cornucopia the allotment. My poetry and the decline of my family on cornucopia the legacy and after my divorce I am documenting my achievements and trials, horticultural focus on cornucopia the recovery. I have used my writing to document my work alone and as part of my family. I also feel writing matters sharing is free and we are a valuable resource when we take time to share our experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. That’s such an interesting idea, especially doing it as a family. You’re so right about our writing and the experiences we share, they’re an invaluable source for people, and that’s why I’m a fan of blogging. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  18. I can relate to the “mattering” dilemma after retirement. I felt that pull for about 18 months, but its going away. I feel more pulled towards creativity, the arts, and travel based on my passions. Retirement is a great time to go back to some creative interest from your youth, like music, painting, poetry, even dance. Maybe you’ll try some fiction writing or poetry on your blog at some point? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  21. This is briliant, Edward. I heard a quote once that it is more important to be useful than youthful. It’s a shame when people are afraid to retire because they don’t know what they will do with themselves. It’s more common than many people realize. It’s the main reason I got interested in retirement coaching.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Michelle. When I read the article and wrote this post, I thought about your discussion on the subject, I think it was last week. Your work is so important because this is affecting a lot of people, and if we can educate them before they retire, the transition will be much smoother.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  22. I’d never heard of “mattering” before, but it makes perfect sense. When you retire, you lose the identity you’ve had for 30+ years. When I retired early, my boss asked if I would continue teaching. When she asked won’t you miss it, my answer was also no. I would have plenty of ways to use my teaching experience in the literary communities I was already a part of, and I have.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. That’s true. We definitely lose something, so having some thoughts about what to do during retirement is important. Your teaching abilities come through clearly in your writing. I learned a few things from reading your novel, and also through our interactions, especially when you point me to websites with great resources, like you have done in the past.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  23. Your plan seems to be paying off, Edward. I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, since you are a thoughtful and intelligent man. Stay healthy and keep doing good in the world.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  24. You are so right. I was a college professor, and I loved meeting with students after class and learning about their lives. I loved encouraging students to go higher, and when I retired, I felt as though I had lost something dear. I now teach Sunday School at my church to varied age groups, and I preach, so I feel useful again. Yes, it is imperative that before retiring, one thinks of what else to do, because you miss leaving home with purpose and goals. I thought I would love late mornings, only to decide that I need to work, in some capacity for sound mental health. I am a life-long learner.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Teaching Sunday school is a great way to put your experience into practice. It benefits both you and the church members as you continue to grow together. Oh yes, I am a lifelong learner as well, and that keeps the mind sharp and engaged in meaningful things. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. Very interesting Edward, i never thought about that side of retiring, still contributing in some form or another and i wholey look forward to it! (Not so much the retirement as the contribution of time/self, it’s vital for happiness)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you. Yeah, it’s one of those things we don’t think about until we retire and sit at home wondering, “What in the world am I going to do now?” A lot of people focus on the money side and forget the other aspects.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  26. Great points, Edward. I must confess to having spent some years being baffled by this. I have several colleagues, one in particular, that should be retired. They are past what one would call retirement age, are extremely well off financially…..well, I’ll leave it at that.

    But for them, retirement is equal to nothingness. They never developed hobbies and interests. As your commenter Mike said, they didn’t develop or value healthy interpersonal relationships. Coming to work is the only reason for them to get up in the morning. For myself and some of the others that are a generation or two behind them, it’s confusing. We would give anything to retire in order to have more freedom and time to devote to any number of other endeavors/time with people. That we see people so dead-set on not taking advantage of it is just baffling to us.

    But this makes sense. If that groundwork was never laid, if the richness of life was not cultivated, I suppose it does follow that there are consequences, even if it isn’t the kind that normally comes to mind. This was eye-opening for me!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Scott. What you said about developing hobbies, interests, and interpersonal relationships outside of work is spot on. To your point, I remember a lady who was well advanced in age and having difficulty walking to her cubicle. She had the years of service needed to retire but didn’t, for the very reasons you mentioned. It eventually took multiple medical conditions to force her into retirement.

      Another example was a guy who retired as an Army Colonel and then transitioned to the civilian side, where he became very senior within the civilian ranks and also didn’t want to retire. He even looked for excuses to work weekends.

      I don’t understand how some people want to pursue that kind of stressful life. I think there comes a point when you’ve done enough, and it’s time to enjoy life with family.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  27. I took an early retirement when the company I worked for merged with another company. At first I thought – time to write and paint! But I’d been programmed for daily results. And so I immediately got involved with several nonprofits and took a job as a contractor on a major writing project. That was a little too much mattering! (but eased the cash flow worries) The key is to find a balance which I admit I still have not found! But it’s a process. You are a very good writer – don’t sell that talent short in the mattering department!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Hey, you did what was required at the time, and like you said, it’s a process. There’s nothing wrong with refining and fine-tuning the plan until you find the right balance, which, of course, is unique to each person. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. 🙏🏼

      Like

      Reply

  28. Such a great article and important insights, Edward. I love how you have planned for your retirement in such a way that feeds you emotionally and financially you are sound to warrant the change. You’re an excellent writer and engaged in so many things that truly matter to you and bring you satisfaction which is vital. I love that you are planning to write articles. That’s just awesome! I’m blessed to love what I do and get paid for it which truly is a gift. Thank goodness I do because I need every penny to make ends meet. People that are engaged in their lives tend to live longer and are certainly happier and giving back to our community is the best service we can give.. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Cindy. I totally agree with you here: “People that are engaged in their lives tend to live longer and are certainly happier and giving back to our community is the best service we can give.” Yes! 🙌🏼 Giving is good for the soul.

      Like

      Reply

  29. Interesting thoughts, Edward and some good advice. I recently (mostly) retired. A setback at fifty left me emotionally and financially drained and the last ten years have been about survival. Could I afford to retire right now? Nope, lol. But in terms of my health and well-being, I could not afford not to. I know that God will provide, He always has.

    I also know that I matter to Him. And He will show me the work He has for me to do in this season 🙂

    Retirement is such a lovely gift 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your comments, and I know you are super engaged in your community. As I read your posts, it’s evident that you’re not going to have any problems in this respect. God is a mighty provider, and He meets ALL our needs. I hear you, the emotional toll that work creates can be a heavy one sometimes, and retirement is a must to help keep our sanity.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  30. great article Edward and I do agree – the cornerstone to being a person that matters is valuing (to a healthy degree) interdependence and not just being independent and alone. people are social and anything great that gets done on a large scale involves people that believe in a higher derivative value from everything they do in that context. but the coolest part is that it doesn’t just have to stop with a work or professional function, it can extend to emotionally rewarding pursuits like parenthood, fostering kids and animals, beach cleanup etc. enjoyed the read! Mike

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Mike, and you made a great point. Thank you for adding those activities at the end. Parenthood and fostering kids—man, that makes a huge impact on kids and on society as a whole. The list has no end if a person has a little bit of imagination.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a reply to Terry Cancel reply