A Thanksgiving Reminder: Give, Be Present, Love Deeply

“You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become rich.” – Isabel Allende

This Thursday we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, and I know that other countries celebrate a day of thanksgiving at various times throughout the year.

Thanksgiving Day in the United States is a day to be thankful for all the wonderful things we have received throughout the year and for our relationships with family and friends. There is also a lot of controversy surrounding the historical events associated with this day. You can read all about its history and the related controversies here.

Today, though, I want to focus on the urgency of being present and treasuring what we have. What better way to highlight that than with an essay written by Isabel Allende. 

Isabel Allende, my favorite author, was born in Peru and raised in Chile. Many people recognize her for her novel The House of the Spirits. But the work that was most impactful to me was her tribute to her deceased daughter, Paula Frías Allende. Paula was published in 1994, and my heart aches every time I read it. In April 2005, she wrote an essay titled “In Giving I Connect With Others” as part of a National Public Radio (NPR) special series, This I Believe.

Below is the essay she wrote: (The original text and audio can be found on the NPR website here)

“I have lived with passion and in a hurry, trying to accomplish too many things. I never had time to think about my beliefs until my 28-year-old daughter Paula fell ill. She was in a coma for a year and I took care of her at home, until she died in my arms in December of 1992.

During that year of agony and the following year of my grieving, everything stopped for me. There was nothing to do — just cry and remember. However, that year also gave an opportunity to reflect upon my journey and the principles that hold me together. I discovered that there is consistency in my beliefs, my writing and the way I lead my life. I have not changed, I am still the same girl I was fifty years ago, and the same young woman I was in the seventies. I still lust for life, I am still ferociously independent, I still crave justice and I fall madly in love easily.

Paralyzed and silent in her bed, my daughter Paula taught me a lesson that is now my mantra: You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become rich.

Paula led a life of service. She worked as a volunteer helping women and children, eight hours a day, six days a week. She never had any money, but she needed very little. When she died she had nothing and she needed nothing. During her illness I had to let go of everything: her laughter, her voice, her grace, her beauty, her company and finally her spirit. When she died I thought I had lost everything. But then I realized I still had the love I had given her. I don’t even know if she was able to receive that love. She could not respond in any way, her eyes were somber pools that reflected no light. But I was full of love and that love keeps growing and multiplying and giving fruit.

The pain of losing my child was a cleansing experience. I had to throw overboard all excess baggage and keep only what is essential. Because of Paula, I don’t cling to anything anymore. Now I like to give much more than to receive. I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly I don’t know if they even like me. But who cares? Loving them is my joy.

Give, give, give — what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don’t give it away? Of having stories if I don’t tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don’t share it? I don’t intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world and with the divine.

It is in giving that I feel the spirit of my daughter inside me, like a soft presence.”

I’m always reminded of the book First Things First by Stephen Covey, which teaches us to stay focused on what is truly important in life. So this Thursday, let’s not worry too much about making the perfect Thanksgiving dinner or ensuring that everything goes flawlessly. Instead, let’s enjoy our loved ones and give, give, and give some more, of our time by being fully present. Let’s enjoy those around us and remember the words of Isabel Allende: it is in giving that we connect with others, with the world, and with the divine.

As a side note, I’m not going to be blogging on Thursday, so I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.

100 thoughts on “A Thanksgiving Reminder: Give, Be Present, Love Deeply”

  2. I was deeply touched by this post, Edward! I didn’t know this about Isabel Allende. What a terrible experience to go through! But she is right – we only find fulfillment in giving to others. Sometimes, it takes everything we have, but there is no greater joy than in giving. I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving.

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  3. What beautiful sentiments, Edward… Thanks for sharing Isabelles words so moving:
    “Now I like to give much more than to receive. I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly I don’t know if they even like me. But who cares? Loving them is my joy.”

    I see why she is your favorite author.
    “It is in giving that I feel the spirit of my daughter inside me, like a soft presence.”

    Here words are palpable and the gift of loving!!! xxxxxo ❤️

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  6. Wonderful post Edward. Giving from the heart is what truly enriches life, and being present with loved ones is the greatest gift we can offer.

    I Hope you and your family had a Wonderful, Joyful and Blessed Thanksgiving.

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          1. The sun is fighting to stay out this morning, which we desperately need to melt some of this 15 plus inches of snow we got last night. UGH !!! What a mess…

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  7. Oh my! Thank you, Edward. I’m a little late in reading but the message is timeless and oh-so good. Especially Allende’s words here…crawling right into my heart:
    “I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly I don’t know if they even like me. But who cares? Loving them is my joy.”
    Wow. ❤️

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  8. Beautifully and wonderfully said. I love Isabel’s words, ” You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become rich.”

    And your reminder to give, give and give some more. You know how to leave a lasting and thoughtful touch and I’m grateful to be able to know you and call you friend. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

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    1. Thank you so much, my friend. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with friends, and now we’re enjoying our first real snow of the season. I’m also grateful that we’re friends. Blessings to you and your family.

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  14. As we give ourselves to our passions and families, we embrace the opportunity to make the things we value better.

    Regardless of what gets you there, take the time to be with your family. It’s special every time you can be there.

    Thank you for the thoughtful reminder. I hope Thanksgiving brings you much joy and memories that last.

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  16. A thoughtful and meaningful reminder—especially at this time of year. The story of Isabel Allende and her daughter beautifully illustrates that what truly lasts is not what we acquire, but what we give: our presence, our compassion, and our love. Thank you for sharing this perspective and encouraging us to focus on what matters most.

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  17. This is absolutely beautiful and touching! It highlights the power of serving others, no matter if it’s one person, a community, or the world. I believe giving is part of our nature, a reflection of our intrinsic goodness, which, in turn, is a reflection of a Grander Goodness (God). A truly precious share, Edward! Deeply enjoyed! With gratitude and appreciation, sending light and blessings your way, my friend ✨🙏

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    1. Thank you so much, my friend. I agree with you on the power of serving and giving, and that it is part of nature. I appreciate your words, and I’m glad to hear that you found Isabel’s essay impactful. Blessings to you, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the week. 🙏🏼

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  20. Thank you so much for sharing this passage, her perspective is as uplifting as the intensity of her loss. Impossible to understand this level of loss unless experienced. I spent some time with my stepmom recently who lost her son during Covid. I may share this essay with her. 🙏🏻 This stood out to me: “what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don’t give it away” 💗

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  21. this is a lovely way to think of things, and I’ll be gathering with people I love and have thought about the coming together as the important part and the rest is just extra

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  22. This is a wonderful blog today, Edward. In addition to reminding me of the importance of giving of ourselves, and what a phenomenal writer and human being Isabel Allende is — you gave me the opportunity to sit quietly, take a deep breath, and relax for a few minutes. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  29. Thank you for posting this life-affirming message as we go into Thanksgiving. It’s important that we cut through all the noise “out there” and stay grounded in what’s important, giving of ourselves to others.

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  30. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. It helps to keep things in perspective.

    Here’s wishing you not just a day but a lifetime of daily thanksgivings with your family and friends.

    Selfishly I hope you never stop writing. I am a huge fan!

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