The Questions We Don’t Ask — And Why They Matter, Part 9

“Don’t think money does everything or you are going to end up doing everything for money.” – Voltaire

About two months ago, I started this series based on the post The Questions We Don’t Ask by Dr. Stein. The questions he proposed in that post were interesting and should provoke self-examination if we take them seriously. After some thought, I think I’ve finally settled on answering 12 of his questions. So this week, I’m answering the following:

What does money mean to you? Why? Do you display generosity?

This question immediately took me back to my childhood and the money struggles we faced. I remember living in a house without running water and only getting electricity through a long connection from my grandmother’s house. I also remember times when things weren’t great between my mom and her mom, and how we’d lose electricity from time to time.

I realized early on that my mom was spending way more than she earned. Over time, most of the money went toward paying off debt instead of covering necessities. It was simple math, you can’t spend $3,000 a month when you’re only making $1,000. That $2,000 gap adds up fast. I guess only our government can get away with that kind of thing, but for the rest of us? Not so much.

I also remember opening my first savings account at my town’s credit union when I started high school, with just $5 I had earned from a summer job. I’m sure the lady who processed my application and took my $5 thought, “Poor kid,” but I was thinking something completely different. To me, that was a big moment because it was when I decided to take control of my circumstances. I kept going back to that credit union, depositing $5 or $10 whenever I had a little extra cash. I also remember joining the Army and later going back to college, where I got my first credit card—with a whopping $250 line of credit.

Decades later, after sticking to a strict budget and never spending more than I earned, I sometimes stop and ask myself, “How did this actually work out?” A big part of it is that I’ve kept my standard of living pretty much the same. For that, I have to thank a Colonel who gave me some solid advice when I was a young Captain. He told me that when he was a Captain, he made the decision that once he hit the rank of Major, he’d save everything above that rank’s pay and just keep living on a Major’s income.

I thought that was fascinating. Later, I sat at my desk, looked at the pay charts, and saw the difference between a Major and a Colonel. My reaction was, “Wow.” Right then, I decided to follow his example. My thinking was simple: if I can live on $3,000 a month, and a promotion bumps me to $4,000, then I can put that extra $1,000 in savings instead of spending it.

I know a lot of people raise their standard of living as their income goes up. Some handle it well, but I’ve also seen others hurt by it. They end up struggling in retirement because their debts are too high, so they have to keep working. And let’s be honest, working full-time after 70 is tough—unless you’re in Congress or happen to be the President of the United States.

Knowing my past, I decided to keep my standard of living about the same and not get pulled into the fray of spending more just because I now have more money.

So to answer the question: What does money mean to you? To me, money is just a tool—a means to achieve something. That “something” is covering our basic needs, helping others, and saving for the future (future expenses and retirement).

Why? Because I didn’t want to continue the family tradition of living paycheck to paycheck. So, I decided to master money, instead of letting it master me. 

Do I display generosity? Living this way has given me the opportunity to help others. I’m not a millionaire, but I set aside a portion of my income for that purpose. 

It’s definitely not my own doing, but a blessing that I’ve been able to live this way through most of my adult life.

That’s why it hurts sometimes when I see a billionaire spending millions on a wedding or dropping a fortune on a baseball card. Sure, it’s their money and they can do what they want, but it feels wrong when people in the same state where that billionaire lives are going hungry or sleeping on the streets. Spending that kind of money on such frivolous things just doesn’t make sense to me.

I know life can be really hard, and sometimes it feels impossible to think about saving when you’re just trying to make it through the day. I’ve been there too. I want you to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going, keep fighting the good fight, and whenever you get a chance, start making small changes to improve your situation—one step at a time.

Previous Questions:

Part 1: Are you as happy as you appear to be?
Part 2: What single moment in your life would you repeat?
Part 3: If you conclude that the afterlife you believe in isn’t real, how would you alter the way you live?
Part 4: How do you determine what is right and good in a moral sense? To what degree do you depend on sacred texts or clerics?
Part 5: Do you travel much? Why? Why not?
Part 6: Are you happier alone or with others?
Part 7: When did you recognize you were aging? How did you react?
Part 8: Do you expect reciprocity in most relationships?

67 thoughts on “The Questions We Don’t Ask — And Why They Matter, Part 9”

  5. Another honest, thought-provoking answer, Edward. My husband and I have had a few unexpected setbacks, but we bounced back and are able to donate to charities that mean a lot to us. We got our son and daughter through college, and they’re adults, making it on their own. So life is good. But we know what it’s like on both sides of the coin. I like what you said about rich people just spending their money frivolously. Yes, it’s their money. But we see so many living on the streets and others starving. Just turn on the news. So, when you see frivolous spending it is cringe worthy. I also love the quote in the beginning, so true!

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  10. Another thoughtful and thought-provoking answer, Edward. I love, “So, I decided to master money, instead of letting it master me. ” Wow!

    This reminds me of the podcast we recently did with Dr. Albert Bramante. He talked about understanding our money wounds. You have done that beautifully with your intentionality versus money.

    And great point about how some people with lots of money could do more to help others. Really speaks to that intentionality. You’ve made me think, feel and hope with this post. Thank you!

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    1. You’re very welcome, my friend. Absolutely, I’m a firm believer in telling money where to go. I’ve found that setting a zero-based monthly budget is very helpful. It shows where every penny goes, and having allowances for the adults and cash for groceries has been a lifesaver in our house.

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  12. I’ve gone through periods were I worried about every dime and often went hungry. It can be a slow climb out of that state and I’m afraid it has made me less generous with money than I would like to be. However, I am very generous with my time.

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    1. Thank you for sharing, JT. I visited the local food bank, and they told me monetary donations help a lot, but they also need volunteers to pack and deliver food. Volunteers reduce the need to hire full and part-time workers, so volunteering your time is money, my friend.

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  13. I’ve had money, and I’ve been without. My life was much more spiritual when I had none. That didn’t make it easier, but I was happier. My parents grew up during the Great Depression and the rationing that occurred during World War II. They worked all the time and were obsessed with money. My aunt married a man with money and still tore paper towels in half, reused teabags, and saved tin foil. Her kitchen drawers were full of bits of string, etc. Although this is frugal, it almost translated into a fear of poverty and losing what she had.

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    1. Your last comment is spot on. I know a few people doing the same thing, and the way they describe it sounds like fear to me. I think there’s a sweet spot where you have enough to live comfortably and feel at peace, which also gives you space to be more spiritual.

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  15. I have always been a saver- and now in the onset of my golden years- I am so glad I was. I never made much money- nowhere near the numbers you threw out there- but my needs reflect that, and I am able to live quite comfortably.

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  16. Great way to save and see money grow, you were given some wise words , what a gift that it formed such wisdom within you. I’m a saver too and I’ve always had a stash I kept no matter what even in the brokest days I always had a savings that made me feel like at the very least I wouldn’t starve and neither would my kids, I could figure it all out no matter what but having enough to cover a few months ahead was always my goal early on.

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  17. It’s so important to manage our money well. And that definitely means NOT spending more than you earn or have and, if possible, always saving a little bit. Being reasonable with life standards and expenses reflects a wisdom that money can’t buy. Voltaire said it well, and so did you, my friend. Your wise words and practical experience are truly a life lesson on money. I absolutely agree with your viewpoint. Sometimes it is not only about how much you have but more about how you manage and use it. Grateful for this relevant post, Edward. Truly helpful! With appreciation, sending you light and blessings and wishing you a peaceful day 🙏✨🌞

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    1. Thank you so much, Susana. Money is one of those things that must be managed carefully in order to keep life in balance. I appreciate your presence here, and I hope you have a great weekend, my friend.

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  19. a good way to live. I’ve had times in my life when I struggled financially as a single mother, and I never have taken money for granted. I’ve never been impressed by money or people who have a lot of it, unless it see them using it to help other people.. to me, it is something that I need to live and not worry, but I don’t need a lot, just my basic expenses to be comfortable, help my family, travel a bit or enjoy my hobbies, help other people when I can, and have food, comfortable clothes, my little house, and medical care as needed. I live simply, am retired now, and really don’t have the need to buy many new things – I’m happy not to have to deal with money a lot and if it stays this way, that’s great, I have no aspiration to have more.

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  20. Such great advice, and some that I live by as well.
    You’re so right. If I was a billionaire, I’d be spdoing something about the less fortunate fortunate.
    We grew up respecting money and living within our means. We still do in my own family, but we tip generously and help others when we can.

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    1. Absolutely, Michelle. Sometimes you have no other option but to leave that environment in order to find peace and prosperity. I’ve seen too many families stuck in that cycle, living in a kind of generational poverty, with no way out.

      Your parents raised you well. Being frugal is a good way to live life.

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  22. You’ve adopted an admirable, responsible approach to money, Edward. My approach is similar. It seems to be a frightening and irresponsible approach of unbridled capitalism to encourage people to buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have. Then add legal online gambling to the mix. It’s shameful. When credit cards were first introduced in the 1960s, you couldn’t get one without having a solid credit rating. A few decades later and banks are handing them out to kids as they arrive at college. And gambling used to be tightly regulated. Nothing’s a “sin” anymore if it helps with “economic growth”. And, yes, I give monthly to several charities, mostly local.

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    1. Thank you, Jane, and you are so right about the way the government keeps encouraging people to spend in order to boost the economy. I understand what they are trying to do, but most people don’t have the resources. Spending money they don’t have makes no sense. I agree, it’s shameful what the banking and other sectors are doing. Every month, I get promotions in the mail about turning my house into equity. They’ll send me a credit card, and I can use my equity to buy whatever I want. Yeah, until I can’t make the payments and lose the house.

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  23. Kudos on living within your means and saving the pay bump. It’s a great plan Edward. I’m grateful to have been a saver and lived similarly. And it feels good to help others as I can. Like you, I don’t really understand the mindset of some wealthy people who seem to just keep accumulating and spending on toys while others suffer.

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    1. Thank you, Brad. If wealthy people helped with things like housing, transportation, and childcare, it would give parents, especially single moms, the chance to work, pay down debt, and start saving. That kind of support could really make a difference.

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        1. Absolutely, but it’s probably better if the funds go directly to those in need. We can’t trust the government with tax money, they’ll just use it for something else, like increasing their security detail.

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  26. Great post, Edward!
    When I was a child, we were poor. My Dad worked hard and never missed a day of work, no matter what. Mom had lots of work at home tending to 5 kids and a big garden and all the things that went with that. We were taught to work hard, to be thankful for what we had and not to envy those who had more, but instead to be happy for them. We were taught to save a dime of our weekly allowance to give at Sunday School, just like our parents always put whatever they could into the church collection plate every Sunday. This foundation prepared us for a thankful attitude towards life and a desire to help others however and whenever we can.

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  27. Money seems such a fraught subject these days. Given the current state of the economy, my husband is paying down our mortgage and stuffing money into our savings. When the social safety net began to be dismantled, we set up a monthly donation to our local Food Bank.

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  30. A good answer, Edward. In one sentence you reminded me of the old Chinese food proverb, “First the man takes the drink, then the drink takes the man.” The Midas the Touch reminds us of the same destructive approach to wealth. There is never enough for some.

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