The Questions We Don’t Ask – And Why They Matter, Part 4

This week’s question was difficult to answer because I don’t think there’s an easy response:

How do you determine what is right and good in a moral sense? To what degree do you depend on sacred texts or clerics?

The question is a heavy one, and I know most people will say they base their morality solely on a religious text, a tradition, or a philosophy. I get that.

For me, it’s more complex. I don’t live a solitary life on an island, free to act without affecting anyone else. I live in a city, in a country, in a world filled with diverse backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives—and the way I act must take all of that into account.

One of the definitions of “moral” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is: “of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior.”1

My framework for answering this question is based on three things:

1. Army Values

I spent most of my life in the United States Army, where the Army Values—Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage—were the foundation of all our actions.

Integrity emphasizes:

“Do what’s right, legally and morally. Integrity is a quality you develop by adhering to moral principles. It requires that you do and say nothing that deceives others. As your integrity grows, so does the trust others place in you. The more choices you make based on integrity, the more this highly prized value will affect your relationships with family and friends, and, finally, the fundamental acceptance of yourself.”2

2. Christian Faith

Along the way, I became a Christian. For me, morality is rooted in a person’s inner disposition of love toward God and others, rather than in strict adherence to external rules.

Matthew 22:34–40 (English Standard Version) reads:

“But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’”3

3. Stoic Philosophy

I also look to Stoic philosophy, which defines morality as living in accordance with nature and reason, guided by the virtues of Wisdom, Justice, Courage, and Temperance.

While there are many similarities among these three, how I determine what is right and good ultimately depends on the situation I’m in.

Here are two examples of decisions I’ve made that were guided by my moral principles:

When I was a young Captain, a close relative asked me to help write a college paper. The assignment was to criticize the President of the United States.

After reading the requirements, I told the person I couldn’t help. Naturally, the reply was, “Why?”

I answered, “Because I’m an officer in the U.S. Army, and I’m not allowed to criticize in any way the President and Commander-in-Chief while in active duty.”

The person responded, “No one is going to know.”

I said, “Well, I know, and that’s enough for me.”

Some people might say that was trivial and would have helped their family member anyway. After all, family comes first, and love should override morality, right?

For me, it wasn’t that simple. I know that bad behavior often starts with small lapses, which over time grow into bigger ones until all sense of right and good is lost. History offers plenty of examples that confirm this.

So I did what I believed was right, based on my understanding of morality.

My second example might be controversial because it involves vaccines. Society is deeply divided on this subject, but here’s my personal answer.

During my Army career, I received more vaccines than most people—beyond the traditional ones, I also received yellow fever, smallpox, and anthrax vaccines.

When COVID-19 emerged and I saw how many people were being infected and dying, I chose to get the initial doses and the boosters once they became available.

The decision was simple: I love my neighbors—my wife and son—too much not to. I did it to protect them.

In making that choice, I relied on both my faith and my military experience as a leader. In the Army, you don’t think only about yourself; you think about those within your sphere of influence. You make assessments and weigh the “what ifs.” I did this countless times in the military and in combat. As a leader, you’re always balancing two priorities: accomplishing the mission and taking care of Soldiers and their families.

The same applies to my role as a husband and father. My decisions are guided by their welfare, not just mine. That’s why I took the COVID vaccine and why I’ll keep getting boosters every year, just like I do with the flu shot, as long as they remain available.

In this example, I did what I believed was right and good for others.

The question also asks:

“To what degree do you depend on sacred texts or clerics?”

I try to follow sacred texts to the best of my ability when making moral decisions. I know I’ll never fully understand everything written, but I use reason to test whether a decision is problematic or contradicts my faith. It’s a process, never a quick decision, unless urgency demands it.

As for clerics, they are human like me. I listen to their guidance but use critical thinking before deciding whether to follow it. I prefer to question rather than accept blindly.

My Bottom Line

I try my best to do what’s right, guided by a moral framework that puts others first. If a decision helps both me and others, I’ll move forward. But if it only helps me while others might be harmed, I won’t. In those moments, I go back to choosing what’s best for others, even if it means changing course.

At the beginning, I said this was a difficult question, and even though I’ve given an answer today, I won’t stop reflecting on it. As I grow older and my understanding evolves, I’m sure my answer will change.

For now, you can see this as a “working copy” of my moral framework—here’s where I stand today.

  1. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/moral ↩︎
  2. https://www.army.mil/values/ ↩︎
  3. https://www.esv.org/Matthew+22:34–40;Mark+12:28–34;Luke+10:25–28/ ↩︎

Previous Questions:

The Questions We Don’t Ask—And Why They Matter: Are you as happy as you appear to be?
The Questions We Don’t Ask—And Why They Matter: What single moment in your life would you repeat?
The Questions We Don’t Ask—And Why They Matter: If you conclude that the afterlife you believe in isn’t real, how would you alter the way you live?

76 thoughts on “The Questions We Don’t Ask – And Why They Matter, Part 4”

  1. Thank you for sharing such a transparent look at your moral framework. It’s fascinating to see how you’ve integrated the Army Values with your faith and Stoic philosophy.

    I was particularly drawn to your mention of Stoicism. Many people seem to see morality as a list of “thou shalt nots,” but your examples—especially regarding your refusal to ghostwrite the paper as a Captain—remind me of the Stoic concept of Integrity. It seems you view morality not just as a set of rules, but as the preservation of your “inner citadel.” Your comment, “I know, and that’s enough for me,” feels like a modern echo of the Stoic belief that virtue is its own reward and that our character is the only thing we truly own.

    It’s also interesting how you use Reason to navigate your faith and the guidance of clerics. This “trust but verify” approach seems to align well with the Stoic practice of testing one’s impressions before acting on them.

    Since you mentioned looking to Stoic philosophy, I’m curious about your thoughts on Marcus Aurelius. He was, like you, a leader with immense responsibility and military command who had to balance the harsh realities of leadership with a commitment to the “common good.”

    When you read his Meditations, do you find that his perspective as a Roman Emperor and General resonates with your military experience?

    For instance, imagine yourself in Marcus’s shoes, surrounded by military leaders and Roman nobility who have been part of the establishment for generations. Suppose you face a conflict where the “right” moral course of action would turn these power-players against you, potentially destabilizing the very Empire you are sworn to protect.

    In the Army, Loyalty is a foundational value—loyalty to the unit and the mission. In this scenario, how would you navigate the tension between your loyalty to the institution’s stability and your personal Stoic principles if they were fundamentally at odds? How do you keep to your morals when the “right” choice might actually harm the “mission” of the state?

    Here’s a quote by Marcus to prime your imagination:

    “Try to persuade them; but act even against their will, whenever the principle of justice leads you to do so. But if someone uses force to resist you, change your approach to accepting it and not being hurt, and use the setback to express another virtue.” – Meditations VI.50.1-2

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    1. Thank you for this amazing comment. There’s a lot here, so I’ll do my best with my reply.

      I’m still in my initial phase of learning Stoicism, and as a matter of fact, I’m reading Meditations for the second time—slowly, or, as Marcus Aurelius said, “read with minute care.” I’m not an expert on Marcus Aurelius, but as a former military officer, I can see how valuable his thoughts are and why Meditations appears on many military professional reading lists.

      Over the years, I’ve experienced many challenges; one in particular was especially tough. About 18 or 19 years ago, I made a difficult but morally right decision to report a person on my staff (a senior advisor) because he was viewing and disseminating inappropriate material on a government computer and network. He was removed from his position and reprimanded. Many senior people were involved with him, and several were reprimanded for violating Army values.

      Of course, many people were angry with me, and I spent three months in isolation because a lot of them didn’t want to talk to me. I knew I had done the right thing, and I defaulted back to my faith and principles, which sustained me through that period.

      Loyalty is foundational, but it cannot exist without boundaries. Nazi Germany is a clear example of loyalty without boundaries. Loyalty must be based on a set of principles that protect the common good—not just a handful of people pursuing selfish ambitions. I will try to do the right thing within my sphere of influence. There isn’t much I can do about things that are not under my control.

      For that reason, I would never be a politician. I would never receive enough votes, because doing the right thing is sometimes in conflict with what the people putting you in power want. I don’t see a scenario where the “right” choice will harm the “mission” unless the mission itself was wrong from the beginning. The mission must be aligned with the common good, and all choices must be the right ones in order to achieve it.

      The bottom line is this: if doing the right thing costs me my reputation, everything I have, or even my life, then so be it. This is aligned with Army values, my faith, and, I believe, Stoic philosophy.

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      1. You can’t go wrong with a slow, contemplative read of the writings of Marcus Aurelius. There’s an excellent companion book (MARCUS AURELIUS | MEDITATIONS | BOOKS 1–6) by Christopher Gill that provides a detailed commentary on each section if you wish to absorb even more nuance. Similar to reading Scripture, references to items such as “fig trees,” “the eye of a needle,” or “Gehenna” all provide a much deeper understanding of the era when we take the time to learn what they meant to the original authors. Gill is one of the leading experts on Stoicism and has written extensively on the subject. I’ve read at least a dozen translations of the Meditations, and his seems to capture the historical context the best.

        Edward, I am both delighted and grateful that you addressed my comment with such thoughtfulness and consideration. The relationship between loyalty and boundaries certainly puts things into perspective. I am looking forward to engaging with more of your posts in the near future.

        Indeed, doing the right thing aligns with Stoic philosophy:

        “No one values virtue more or is more devoted to it than the man who has lost his good reputation in order to keep a good conscience.” – Seneca, Letters on Ethics, 81.20

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        1. Thank you very much for your book recommendation. I’ll definitely add it to my reading list. I also look forward to reading your posts and engaging with you. I took some time off, but I’m ready to get back to blogging next week.

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          1. That’s a great idea. In the meantime, should you find yourself stumped by one of Marcus’s passages, I’d be happy to search out, copy, and paste text from Gill’s commentary so that you can taste and see for yourself its benefit.

            I’ve taken a closer look at your site and feel inspired to craft a short essay on the conscience. I am writing it from the perspective of an arch-enemy who, later in life, became an incredible eye-opener for me. There really is something transformative about the Christian idea of loving your enemies.

            Anyhow, I plan on posting that soon. It would be great if you could give it a good going over and let it be absorbed into your bloodstream before replying to it from the position of your faith in Christ. The unwritten text that will aid you in understanding my article resides in this: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

            The essay is to be titled: Beyond Conformity | Transcend and Transform the Conscience.

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  2. Morality has been shaped by my Christian upbringing… and my mother. Her philosophy was simple and biblical; love God and love your neigh or as you love yourself. But as I grew older, I understood the complexity of her early childhood and adolescence, long before she became a believer, and I realized that her morality amd sense of social justice was shaped by the times she lived in, during ww2. Family and community were so integrally linked that she grew up with a sense of social responsibility… and she passed that on to her children.

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  8. This is a complex and many-layered question, but I’m not surprised by how you answered it, Edward. You are pragmatic, thorough, and thoughtful. You showed how your experiences guide you, as well. I also appreciate how you intertwine definitive answers with ones that are more flexible.

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  10. Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself, your background and experience are truly inspiring. I really admire your dedication both in service and in your personal life. It’s wonderful to see how you balance family, hobbies, and blogging. I look forward to reading more of your posts and learning from your journey

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      1. You’re very welcome, Edward! I’m curious, what inspired you to start your blog? I’m always fascinated by what motivates people to share their stories

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  11. Here is a hypothetical question, Edward. I hope I am not duplicating any of the comments above. If you were still in the service, what if a commanding officer asked you to follow the Chief Executive’s guidance to kill people who were protesting his leadership and whose protest was nonviolent? It is, in effect, the question that faced German soldiers when told to murder Jews during the second World War. As you know, their defense at Nuremberg was to say the were following orders.

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    1. Great question. It depends on the rules of engagement, a legal document reviewed by military lawyers. The document outlines the escalation of force that military personnel may use. I don’t believe the U.S. military would receive a direct order like that from the President, but if I were still in service, I would not kill anyone unless my life or the lives of those under my command were in jeopardy. I would need to see a direct, visible, and irrefutable action by a person before taking action.

      As an officer, I also took an oath to protect the Constitution, and I am solely responsible for my actions. Here is the oath that I took: “I ___, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”

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      1. This seems to me exactly the answer one would hope for, regardless of who the leaders of our country are. I hope it never comes to this, but we know it has in some countries..Thanks, Edward.

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  12. Hi Edward, I believe in fairness for everyone. This translates into everyone getting a fair shot at life. I don’t believe in special treatment for anyone based on gender, race or anything else. Of course, if there was fairness, special treatments wouldn’t be deemed necessary.

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  13. Some people think they’re acting morally and are doing more harm than good. Some people are just rigidly following rules that they may or may not believe in. I believe most humans have an innate awareness of right and wrong. They learn pretty quickly that stealing, murder, and lying will receive a harsh backlash from others. A bigger danger is the “everything is everything” attitude that seeks to abolish any concept of morality.

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  14. Your post, your perspective and philosophy give hope! Direct and clear…the sort of compass that might guide one forever and ever. Lasting. Thank you, Edward!
    “I try my best to do what’s right, guided by a moral framework that puts others first. If a decision helps both me and others, I’ll move forward. But if it only helps me while others might be harmed, I won’t.”
    So good! 💕

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  15. There’s lots to ponder here and lots to applaud, Edward. Your though provoking posts always initiate deep thinking and questioning in a world where so much of that seems to have gone by the wayside. For me, it all boils down to doing to others as I would like done to me. Those commandments all ring true as do many other teachings from the upanishads, Buddha and other faiths. The bottom line line for me is acting with a moral fiber and conviction that adds to life and do no harm.

    I too chose to get the Covid vaccine and a couple of boosters reluctantly, Edward. I was sicker from the shot and it triggered pregnancy induced asthma so I stopped. I don’t get other vaccines but should start thinking about the shingles shot ☹️.

    This is a whole subject but I have to say when my kids were young I opted out or stretched some of them later when I witnessed repercussions to some babies I worked with. I relied heavily on homeopathies and trust of the bodies immune system. Now with one 2 year fully immunized and one that hasn’t yet had a shot at 2, I try not to be judgmental and watch my own biases arise. NOT EASY, I might add. She is going in for polio this month TG. 🙏🏼
    While i value many schools of thoughts and woman and men of faith, I cannot and will not ever make choices that I don’t agree with. 💕

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    1. Thank you so much, Cindy. The Golden Rule is a beautiful thing. The shingles, yes, I went for it as recommended when I turned 50. Two doses, and I felt kind of sick for a day each time. I got chickenpox when I was in Belgium, and I was in a bad place for almost two weeks. I even developed Bell’s palsy as a side effect because I was older. Luckily, I went to the hospital and got a shot that reversed the effects. Because I don’t want to mess around with the same virus, I went ahead and got the vaccine. I’m with you and science is not perfect, but they are doing the best they can to minimize infections on a large scale, like in the past. A lot of people cannot get vaccinated because of health issues or religious beliefs, so those who are willing to get vaccinated help keep the risk to society at large to a minimum. Like I said, it’s not perfect, and adverse reactions or side effects are possible, just like with everything else in life. I guess it’s up to each individual and the level of risk they are willing to take. I completely agree with you on your last point.

      Can’t wait to see what you’ve got for us today, it’s Friday after all!

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      1. You’re so very welcome. It really is. Oh YIKES! That’s horrifying on the temporary bells palsy issue! Thank goodness you went in and they were able to reverse it. That’s one of the side effects of the ear surgery I could do… that or a small % of going deaf completely. Always weighing the risk benefit,. Sheesh and you were young at 50 to get it. My docs my age and he always pushes it and I asked “have you done it yet” he said no. I told him you go first and I’ll do it next year.. lol. You know if you have a severe reaction on the first on if you should do the second or not. I’m always the 1 % … go figure. Staying connected to ourselves, the research and making the best choices we can for the best outcome for ourselves and others is crucial.

        Oh you’re so cute.. why it is and I’m trying to figure out how to link something and wasting time trying to find a photo I couldn’t find.. lol xo 😘

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  16. A complex question indeed, Edward! Beyond the cultural and religious background, deep inside one knows what’s “right” or “wrong,” if we listen within. Our feelings and even our body will tell us about the alignment or misalignment with our soul, respectively. The more inner disconnected a person is, the greater the probability of misinterpreting the sacred code and signs. A lot to consider here, my friend! I truly enjoyed reading this piece and going through your viewpoints. With appreciation and gratitude, sending light and blessings your way 🙏✨

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    1. Complex indeed. You made a good point about the inner disconnect. When a person doesn’t nourish the soul with what is good, he or she loses the ability to navigate through darkness. Staying in the light, as you often mention in your posts, is really important.

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  17. This is a thoughtful and well-balanced reflection. I admire how you’ve grounded your moral framework in Army values, Christian faith, and Stoic philosophy, while also acknowledging the complexity of applying them in real life. The examples you shared demonstrate integrity in action and highlight the importance of putting others first. Your essay is a strong reminder that morality is not static, but a lifelong journey of reflection and growth.

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  18. These four questions and your answers to them have been thought-provoking. Reading and trying to formulate answers to all four in one evening was my first mistake! This question is hard to answer because it is so deep. That little voice in my head — or my fast-beating heart or the knot in my stomach — tell me right from wrong, and I think all of those reactions stem from my upbringing in a loving Christian home and a lifelong striving to follow The Golden Rule. The part of your answer where you referenced your time in active service in the U.S. Army made me think of the very difficult position today’s active-duty military personnel are being placed in while we have a Commander-in-Chief who does not know the difference between right and wrong. A couple of them are in my family, and I cringe to think what they might be ordered to do and the moral choices they might be forced to face under his command.

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    1. Some of these questions are really hard. Dr. Stein did a great job formulating them. I’m taking about a week to think over his questions and jot down thoughts as they come. Yes, the military issue, well, I’m just glad that I’m retired. I agree with you and hope that young military men and women don’t find themselves in situations where they have to assess whether an order is morally right or wrong.

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  20. Edward, I love these questions. They are very thought provoking. Your answer was, in my opinion, very well thought out, and nicely presented. How or why someone would argue with your decision process is beyond me!

    To be honest, this year I have been thinking quite a bit about moral decisions. I’ve always felt I knew right from wrong and a lot of what I learned to be “right” was from experiences that I knew something was “wrong”. Some of that I learned from my parents. Some of it I learned from bullies on the school yard.

    Not to give a lengthy response, but I’m kind of a Love they Neighbor as thyself, Judge not lest ye be judged type of person … or one could say live and let live. As long as I’m not breaking the law or hurting anybody (or myself), living up to my promises, I feel I’m doing ok. But how much I base it on scripture — that’s where I’m having some questions. It’s not so much as the scripture (when I get back to the original Hebrew before all the theology kicks in, the Bible makes sense). But so do the Upanshads and the Tripiaka and the Tao Te Ching.

    Kind of what it all boils down to is we’re all in this boat together. We should take care of each other, love one another, respect each other, and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

    “If only the ruler and his people would refrain from harming each other, all the benefit of life would accumulate in the kingdom.”

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    1. What a wonderful comment, Joni. I really appreciate it. I think what you said about “Love thy neighbor,” “Judge not,” “live and let live,” and your closing remarks is spot-on. Maybe a conversation for another day, but the more I read about other religions, philosophies, and traditions, the more I’m convinced that most of us believe in an all-powerful being, named differently, who is the source from which we learn our morals and humanity. I love the quote, and the Bible has similar stories that point to the same goal. Which brings me back to my point about an all-powerful being or source.

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  23. That’s a great question and your multi-layered answer. Very thought-provoking with great examples. I’m going to have to think about my answer. I think it’s a little like correct grammar that my mom was always insisting on. At some point what I learned from my parents became so instilled that I just know when something is wrong. Thanks for a great question, answer and for living out your values in a way that I know your son is taking in!

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  24. Edward, you really do dive into these remarkably deep questions. I was surprised that you prefaced your excellent essay by saying you expected most people to say that they base their morality on a religious text, a tradition, or a philosophy. I never would have even thought of that! I’m like Liz; my moral compass developed from the values I learned from my parents, almost all of which can be reduced to the Golden Rule (which can be found in every religion and most philosophies, including indigenous traditions).

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    1. Thank you, Jane. Of course, my journal has a few more details, but that’s for my eyes only. 😀 I read a long time ago, though I can’t recall where, that moral values come from the same or similar sources, which over time evolved into religion, philosophy, and tradition; definitely a mix of all three. Like you said, the Golden Rule can be found in religion, philosophy, and traditions. Good morals passed down through generations are a wonderful thing.

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  26. What is legally right and what is morally right can be two contradictory things. I think what you’re describing is a strong sense of ethics. To me, morality implies adhering to a list of rights and avoiding a list of wrongs whereas being ethical means doing what you feel is right based on the situation and on your beliefs. But words are tricky. And my interpretation is mine.

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    1. Thank you, JT. You’re absolutely right, words are tricky, and I think sometimes concepts are hard to live by. I learned that ethics is the study of moral concepts, so we’re not too far apart, my friend.

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  27. “I prefer to question rather than accept blindly.”
    This statement in your piece jumped out at me, Edward. It shows that you’re a responsible and discerning human being. The world needs many more like you.

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