The Questions We Don’t Ask – And Why They Matter, Part 3

In my ongoing series about The Questions We Don’t Ask – And Why They Matter, I decided to answer this question:

If you conclude that the afterlife you believe in isn’t real, how would you alter the way you live?

I have to admit this particular question caused me some trouble because of my Christian faith. But after reflecting on what Dr. Stein is trying to show us with these questions, I came to the conclusion that my answer doesn’t affect my faith at all. Still, thinking about how others might answer this question was illuminating.

I’ve been in situations where this subject has come up, and some of the responses leaned toward the idea of living with no boundaries—because if nothing exists after death, then why bother? I didn’t contribute to those conversations because people were behaving childishly, and when that happens, especially with serious topics, I lose interest. I don’t want to waste my time.

I’ve also been present when the discussion shifts to what if heaven and hell exist? What if there really is more after we die—then what? Usually, that question is met with silence. 

There’s a big difference in people’s reactions between “there is nothing after death” and “after you die, you either go to heaven, hell, or something else.” I’m sure other world religions have different answers to the question of the afterlife, but I’m not very knowledgeable about them. Still, I know I have non-Christian friends in my WordPress community, so your feedback is always welcome.

So what then? Well, it’s up to you, of course. After all, we have free will.

For me, I’ve always tried to live my life the best way I can, based on what I believe. My purpose is to add value to society by loving and doing the best I can for my family and those around me. I care for my neighbors—not only in my city, but also across the country and around the world—and I’m always looking for ways to support those in need. I try to live by the cardinal virtues of prudence, fortitude, temperance, and justice, which align with many world religions and philosophies. I’m not perfect, and I still have a long way to go, but I keep trying every single day, driven by my purpose.

This week I read that “the Stoics try to focus attention on becoming good right now, in the present moment, because that is the direct and only route to Eudaimonia (good spirit, happiness). By grounding our attention in the here and now, undistracted by the past or future, we can properly confront the challenges of accepting ‘indifferent’ things with equanimity (a state of being calm, composed, and balanced), while cultivating wisdom and justice in our actions.”1

To me, this means that if I’m living a virtuous life now, to the best of my abilities, then I’ll be fine, both now and in whatever comes after this life.

I can see some people continuing to live a good life regardless of their beliefs about the afterlife—loving their families, helping their neighbors, and supporting causes such as reducing poverty, ending hunger, and making health care accessible to all.

I can also see others altering their lives based on their beliefs about what happens after death. Some may take religion seriously and practice their faith in accordance with their holy books and doctrines. Others may decide it doesn’t matter and turn inward, focusing on maximizing personal enjoyment. They might spend tens of millions on a wedding, buy 20 more cars, four more houses, or even another private jet—rather than using that wealth to help the poor. The possibilities are endless.

But for me, regardless of the afterlife, I will keep living in the present, striving to act with virtue every day.

Source

  1. Roberson, Donald. Stoicism and the Art of Happiness. (pp. 86-87). London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2018. ↩︎
Previous Questions:
The Questions We Don’t Ask—And Why They Matter: Are you as happy as you appear to be?
The Questions We Don’t Ask—And Why They Matter: What single moment in your life would you repeat?

84 thoughts on “The Questions We Don’t Ask – And Why They Matter, Part 3”

  3. I think people try to foresee to much. Living your life the best way you know how is the reason you were put here to begin with. Trying to alter the future by acts of today seems as though people want to be God like.

    Have a great day.

    Kimberly

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  4. Like you, I’m a Christian. I believe I’m going to heaven when I die. I like your sentence, “To me, this means that if I’m living a virtuous life now, to the best of my abilities, then I’ll be fine, both now and in whatever comes after this life.” I just try to do the best I can every day. I fall short every day, but I believe in a forgiving God. Like for you, it is difficult for me to imagine finding out that there is no heaven; however, I’ll be dead when I find out, so I suppose it won’t matter. If there is no afterlife, I won’t have a soul then to be disappointed and devastated. Thank you for prompting me to consider the question.

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  6. This is an important question to ask, thank you, Edward. I think if we live our values everyday then no matter what happens after death, we will be ready. My values are equality, justice, kindness and agape (friendship type love) I like to think our souls will all return to our Creator to exist in love. Some might name that heaven.

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  8. Edward, I just realised I did a post with a thank you to you for this essay without seeking your permission to include the link.
    I hope that is ok.
    Kind regards
    DD

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  9. Your values are evident in what and how you write, Edward. We know about your love of family, devotion to important people in your life, and sacrifice of serving in the military. You live your truth, my friend.

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  10. I like your answer, Edward, and mine would be similar. I wouldn’t change the way I live…to be kind, helpful, loving, and do the best I can. Like you, I’m not perfect, but I try to be a good person. It’s that old adage of “treat your neighbor as yourself.” The way I want to be treated is the way I treat others. Another great, thought-provoking post.

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  11. As a registered nurse, I took care of a lot of people who were dying and/or died. I knew co-workers who were diagnosed with terminal illnesses and died. This is what I witnessed: out of all of those people, only two faced death with grace, dignity, and joy. One lady told me that she had lived a good life and was ready to be with God. The other one smiled and accepted her diagnosis with grace, putting her faith in God first. All the other people cursed their fate, resisted, became hateful and vindictive toward others, and died miserable and alone. Faith is the key. If you really believe in God, you put your trust in his mercy and long to be with him. However it turns out, living a good life and experiencing a good death depends on your own attitude.

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    1. Amen, Dawn. Faith is definitely key, and your last sentence captured it well. Our attitude is very important, and living our lives on earth as best we can, in good communion with others, is a meaningful way to approach it.

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  12. I really value the way you connect faith and virtue with living in the present—it’s inspiring. I might only add that even when others sound a bit childish, sometimes they’re just reaching for words around deep fears or longings. A little patience with that searching can be its own act of love. 🏄‍♂️

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    1. I really appreciate your comment. You’re right about having patience, and it’s a good reminder for me. I don’t want to repeat what they said since some of it was inappropriate, but deep down they were probably expressing fears or longings, just as you mentioned. A good lesson for me, thank you.

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  13. Leave the world in credit, having done more good than harm a relative told me was as good a guide as any for an agnostic or atheist. Many people will feel if we are all we have we should respect and care for each other. Lovers of nature would say we should appreciate the wonders all around us, the miracle of our unique planet in a huge universe, just cherish this one life we have.

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  14. That question definitely supports the title, doesn’t it. Can’t say I’ve ever been asked that. I appreciated reading your articulate response to the question. Thanks, Edward. You mentioned that others responded with “the idea of living with no boundaries” in similar discussions. That sounds like a sure-fire way to experience hell while living. While I do believe in an afterlife, that belief does not dictate my daily healthy and mindful choices and my desire to make a positive impact in this world, so its confirmation or lack thereof would not change how I live.

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    1. That was my thought as well when I heard them speak of living with no boundaries. That way of thinking is not helpful and will surely get people in trouble. Thank you, my friend, for sharing your answer. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

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  17. I couldn’t agree more that you are living a life according to your values and that’ll serve you will in this life and the next. My dad was a big fan of Blaise Pascal and this question brings to mind Pascal’s Wager.

    • If I believe and God doesn’t exist, I have a finite loss.
    • If I believe and God exists, I have infinite gain.
    • If I don’t believe and God exists, I have infinite loss.
    • If I don’t believe and God doesn’t exist, I have a finite gain.

    I think – and you’ve said it well here – that if we believe and God doesn’t exist that it still works to our benefit because it’s the type of life we’d like to live. But in any case, there is very little downside. Great answer, Edward!

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    1. Thank you so much, Wynne. Your comment highlighting Pascal’s Wager just made the post so much better. The breakdown of his argument is awesome and easy to follow. It’s wonderful that you’re able to continue sharing your dad’s wisdom with others. I’m sure he is rejoicing. Have a wonderful weekend, my friend.

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  19. Wow. So good, Edward. This especially: “My purpose is to add value to society by loving and doing the best I can for my family and those around me.” I feel that way. Remembering how we can…and DO add value gives such a lift. What a terrific post to read to start my day today. You’ve done it again! 🥰

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  20. What a thought-provoking question, Edward. As a Christian, I take the values of love, fairness, justice, and integrity seriously because I believe they make life better here on Earth. People see religion as restrictive because of all the rules but when you strip all of that away, at its core, the teachings of Christ help us to be good people today. The afterlife is a bonus.

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    1. Such a great point you made, Michelle, about Christ’s teachings. They help us live a good life now and in the future. Some of these “rules” are man-made, and I wonder if they take away from the joy of simply living as Jesus told us to. Thank you for reading and commenting.

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  21. A great post, Edward! A lot of things to reflect on! Here you said something simple but utterly important: “Well, it’s up to you, of course. After all, we have free will,” to which I would add, “Still, we are not free of the consequences of our choices.” Being a good person here can never give you something “bad” later on. It means we are living in soul alignment and thus close to God, and that is priceless in this lifetime or beyond it. I truly enjoyed this question and will continue to ponder it beyond this short comment. Thank you, my friend, for enriching my day in such a profound way. With appreciation, lots of light and blessings to you, today and always 🙏✨

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    1. You’re so very welcome, my friend. Thank you for highlighting that even though we have free will, we are not free of the consequences of our choices. That’s an important point you made, and it’s absolutely true. Your presence here is always a blessing. Take care, my friend, and have a great weekend.

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  22. This is such a powerful reflection, and I love how you tied it back to living with virtue in the present. For me, if the afterlife isn’t real, life becomes even more precious—every moment, every relationship, and every act of kindness would matter more. The absence of an afterlife wouldn’t mean “nothing matters,” but rather that everything matters now.

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  24. “But for me, regardless of the afterlife, I will keep living in the present, striving to act with virtue every day.” Well said. Living in the here and now, but keeping my eyes looking forward and trying to live the best kind, charitable, generous, virtuous life I can.

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  26. As a Christian myself, I find the question unsettling because I don’t want to think of no possibility of Heaven after death.
    My faith hasn’t always been as strong as I think it is now, but I’ve always been a caregiver, honest, open, and generally trying to be a good person. I have faults like everyone, but I’ve also given up most of my bad vices. I know that Jesus died for our sins and my belief in that is all I need to get the afterlife I’m promised. That all believers are promised.

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    1. Thank you so much, Kim. I think that was the point of his question. How we answer it shows our true selves. A strong faith will guide you through life to that promise, and as long as we stay on that path, there is nothing to worry about. Oh, by the way, no Christian on this planet is perfect, so we need to continue holding on to Jesus’ teachings and doing the best we can.

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  27. Edward, such a well-considered essay deserves a thoughtful response, even though my gut tells me to leave well enough alone. You probably have noticed that I don’t always follow those gut instincts! I agree completely with your description of how you try to lead your life. I try to lead mine very similarly. But I notice that you didn’t say that you do so because of your belief in an afterlife and that you worry you won’t go to heaven if you don’t. And I notice that you say that some people try to lead good lives even though they don’t believe in an afterlife, like me, but you don’t mention all those people who call themselves religious, believe in an afterlife, and yet act only out of greed, self-interest, and what they can get away with. It’s hypocrisy writ large. I find it very hard to believe that there are many people around who believe in an afterlife and try to lead a good life largely because they’re worried they’ll end up in the wrong place otherwise. Just keep leading your good life … because it’s the right thing to do and it brings more happiness! ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much, Jane, for such a great comment. I was thinking about going further into the topic of people who claim religious beliefs but behave selfishly, or, in the case of Christianity, don’t follow Jesus’ teachings at all, but that would need to be fleshed out and probably deserves a separate post. We can see this clearly in the way some of our “Christian” politicians are acting now, which only demonstrates their greed, self-interest, disregard for others, and outright hypocrisy. I also think that some people actually change their behavior when they realize it’s possible that there is an afterlife. Maybe it’s fear or something else, but I personally know a few people who have taken a different path and are genuinely doing what is right according to their newfound faith. This is definitely one of those subjects that would trigger a deep and meaningful conversation over coffee.

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        1. Oh yes, there is no other way. This is one of those conversations where you listen, respond, and listen some more. A civilized and thoughtful dialogue. There can’t be any yelling or forcing one’s point of view on the other person. Maybe I should go to Canada, join your philosophy group, and learn a few things. 😀

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  28. This is something I’ve pondered before, Edward. Regardless of our belief system, many of the laws of our land truly have a basis in the 10 commandments. Also, giving to charity and helping others and loving our neighbours all have roots in Christianity. To that end, because I’m a law abiding citizen, and because I agree with the old golden rule of treating others the way I’d like to be treated, I don’t believe I’d live my life any differently, regardless of the final outcome.

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  29. A superb answer, Edward. Religion binds us to a particular group, something humans need. Moral thought, questions, a feeling of reassurance about the future, and guidance sometimes take a back seat to the sense of a community and safety and support within it.

    Your experience is helpful to my thought about the importance of the stories we tell and believe, in and out of a place of worship. Thank you.again for pointing your readers to my blog.

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    1. You’re so very welcome, Dr. Stein, it’s truly my pleasure. Thank you for reading and for your wonderful comment. I especially appreciated your point about the social benefits of religion versus its moral or philosophical aspects. More to think about.

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  31. An interesting discussion, Edward. There are numerous people who profess to be deeply religious but who only care for themselves and their own wants. The mafia have historically been in this category. Other people are not religious but they are deeply empathetic and kind people. I’ve never felt that fear of hell has stopped people behaving exactly as they want to. They just find ways to justify their behaviour often from a religious interpretation or source. Of course, there are also deeply religious people who devote their lives to helping others. Perhaps it’s the nature of the person that matters, or their upbringing.

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    1. Thank you, Robbie. I think you got it right with what you said about the nature of a person. It is that nature, especially when it leans toward the good, that makes the difference. There are many religious people who are just evil, yet in their minds, they believe they are following a righteous path. This is extremely dangerous, of course, and has caused tremendous pain throughout history.

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