Rockin’ Thursday LVII

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Here’s how the World Health Organization defines child abuse and maltreatment:

“Child maltreatment is the abuse and neglect that occurs to children under 18 years of age. It includes all types of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, negligence, and commercial or other exploitation, which results in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development, or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust, or power.”1

In observance of this month, today’s Rockin’ Thursday will feature a song by Amy Grant, an American singer-songwriter and musician, titled “Ask Me,” part of the album Heart in Motion released in 1991.

In an interview, Amy Grant stated that the song represents “reflections of a friend who opened up to her about the sexual abuse she endured throughout her childhood” and then said:

“We were taking a long walk at the end of the day. And it’s so funny… vulnerability is somehow in direct proportion to lighting, because as the sun went down, and we couldn’t see each other’s faces as clearly, the conversation got more vulnerable. And I guess I was at the right place at the right time, but she started telling me about her childhood, years and years of her childhood, and she was acted upon by more than one person. And she described a scenario one time when – she was from the South – and that she was being acted upon on the screen porch, and that her brother was out in the yard and they caught eyes. And I said, ‘But didn’t you say something to him?’ And she said, ‘Oh, Amy, I had already disappeared by then.’ And I was just like, ‘Ugh.’ And it just killed me, it just killed me. And I’ve got four daughters, and I’m sure they’ll have daughters… so many people are acted upon sexually. I just could not get away from those visuals and all that, and I wrote it into a song. Tom Hemby had given me a track because I’m not as good with music. I get so sick of the same four chords that I put, and I had said, ‘Just give me a track, a fully-developed track without a melody so I can have a playground to write on.’ And that was exactly the track he handed me, and I wrote the melody and lyric on top of it. And when I played it for my friend, she just said, ‘How could you have known?’ And I just think when we listen to each other’s stories, there’s different ways to do it. You can do it with ‘what’s gonna be my comeback story?’ But I think one of the essentials of writing and creativity is to listen to another person’s story in such an interactive, embracing way that you actually are able to sing their story back to them.”2

Here are part of the lyrics so you get a sense of the song:

"I see her as a little girl hiding in her room
She takes another bath and she sprays her momma's perfume
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind
But it haunts her mind

You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif
And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid
Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear”

You can access the rest of the lyrics here. 

I hope you enjoy the video, reflect on the significance of this month, and let’s keep working together to prevent child abuse. Have a wonderful Rockin’ Thursday!

Amy Grant – Ask Me
  1. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/child-maltreatment ↩︎
  2. https://americansongwriter.com/ask-me-amy-grant-lyrics-meaning-behind-song/ ↩︎

58 thoughts on “Rockin’ Thursday LVII”

  1. I’m glad Ernie brought us to your beautiful, yet heartbreaking post, Edward. There are sick people in the world, and those who abuse children are at the top of the list. I use to listen to Amy Grant when I was younger and sang a lot. Her song is powerful, and she still sounds amazing. Thank you for sharing her interview and for raising awareness of an appalling topic. 🙏

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    1. You’re welcome, Lauren. Sadly, we need to keep raising awareness about this horrific issue, with the hope that it will be eradicated someday. Amy Grant is incredible, and like you said, she still sounds amazing.

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  2. Excellent post raising awareness Edward.
    As a former foster parent, I saw so much pain in the kids that came into my care. I had 15 teenagers in 4 years, each with a different story. I did my best to give them stability and reassurance when they needed it most and sharing my experience of being blessed by a wonderful childhood.
    It wasn’t easy, but I hope I made a difference. I know I did to one 17 year old who confided in me about bad friends and sniffing glue. He had to leave us, but I promised to be there for him at the end of the phone. He never called, but over a year later, a polite young man knocked on my door one Saturday afternoon. I didn’t recognise him until he spoke. He said he wanted to say thank me for being there if he needed me. He’d got the help he needed, had a good job, a girlfriend and a place of his own, which he felt he would not have had if he hadn’t confided in me that night. It made it all worth while and I would not trade those four years of my life for anything.
    These kids are so often ignored, disbelieved, and made to think it is their fault. It’s not. What makes me so angry is when family are in denial, turn a blind eye and deaf ear while a child is being stripped of their childhood innocence.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your powerful story. It must have been an incredible and humbling experience to see that young man at your door, thanking you for your support. You’re absolutely right about families being in denial and not getting the help they need. Children end up suffering and limiting their chances for a better future.

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  3. Too many people, however good-intentioned, will procreate regardless of not being sufficiently knowledgeable of child development to ensure parenting in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. Too many perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they (potential parents) will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.

    Those who do choose to procreate should know that inside the womb a human fetus apparently can sense its mother’s emotions and perhaps even be psychologically affected by them post-birth, for good or bad.

    Linda Marks, a body-centered psychotherapist, wrote in an online article:
    “When a mother both consciously and subconsciously wanted to be pregnant and welcomed her baby, the child thrived. When the mother either consciously or subconsciously wanted the baby, the child was fine. When the mother neither consciously nor subconsciously wanted the baby, the child felt the effects of this hostile emotional climate.

    “I remember a story of a woman who not only didn’t want her baby but also resented his intrusive presence in her body. When the Italian doctor would use an ultrasound to view the baby as the mother talked about her resentments of him and the pregnancy, the baby would curl up in a tiny ball in a corner of the uterus, trying to make himself very small. Even in-utero, a baby can feel the power of his/her mother’s heart. When considering having children, making a thoughtful, heartful, integrated decision is important for the overall wellbeing of a child.”

    In the book Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal, it’s written that “[even] well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).

    Either way, an emotionally/mentally and physically sound future should be every child’s fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter; a world in which Child Abuse Prevention Month [every April] clearly needs to run 365 days of the year. Yet, many people still hold a misplaced yet strong sense of entitlement when it comes to misperceiving children largely as obedient property to misuse or abuse.
    .
    “It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
    (Childhood Disrupted, pg.228)

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    1. Excellent comments. Thank you very much. Parenthood is something to take very seriously, and even though we are imperfect human beings, it is our responsibility to educate ourselves in every aspect of child development. If a man or woman is not ready for that responsibility, then it’s best to wait before having children until they are truly prepared to take on such an important role. I definitely believe that child abuse and the prison population would significantly decrease if we could parent the right way.

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      1. Yet, when I asked a teachers’ union official whether there was any such curriculum taught, he unfortunately immediately replied there was not. And when I asked the reason for its absence and whether it may be due to the subject matter being too controversial, he replied with a simple “Yes”.

        This strongly suggests there are philosophical thus political obstacles to teaching students even such crucial life skills as healthy parenting through understanding child development. But what troubles me is, how teaching this would be considered more controversial thus a non-starter than teaching sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI) curriculum, as is already taught here?

        Although society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children, it can educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those intending to remain childless.

        … In the movie K-PAX, the visiting extraterrestrial Prot says to the clinical psychiatrist interviewing him: “On K-PAX, everyone’s children’s wellbeing matters to everyone, as everyone takes part in rearing everyone else’s offspring.”

        I’ve always found this concept appealing: Unlike with humans, every K-PAX-ian child’s good health seems to be every adult’s interest and in everyone’s best interest. It reminded me of the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

        At the risk of being deemed Godless thus evil (or, far worse, a socialist), I strongly feel that the wellbeing and health of all children needs to be of genuine importance to us all. And healthy, properly functioning moms and/or dads are typically a requisite for this.

        But I’m not holding my breath, as I’ve found that most people are pessimistic and/or hostile towards such concepts. For many people, such ideas, if ever implemented, would be too much like communism and therefor somehow the end of the world.

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        1. It’s definitely complicated in this country. On one hand, people want the best for their kids and want government assistance, but on the other hand, they don’t want the government to get too involved. So it’s a difficult balancing act.

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  6. I can’t imagine what Amy Grant’s friend and the many others who experience child abuse must go through. This is such an important topic, so many children face abuse every single day. I was watching the Ruby Franke documentary about the abuse she put her kids through and it was horrifying. I couldn’t watch most of it.

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    2. If even survived, prolonged early-life abuse typically causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.

      When inflicted emotionally/psychologically, it amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some of us it includes being simultaneously scared of how badly we’ll emotionally deal with the upsetting or negative event — which usually doesn’t occur.

      The lasting emotional/psychological pain throughout one’s life from such trauma is very formidable yet invisibly confined to inside one’s head. It is solitarily suffered, unlike an openly visible physical disability or condition, which tends to elicit sympathy/empathy from others. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.

      Therefore, the wellbeing of ALL children needs to be of importance to us all, regardless of how well our own children are doing. Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more lamely self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
      .
      “The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
      —Dr. Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D. & Dr. John Marcellus

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    1. You’re absolutely right, Melissa. It’s heartbreaking to see abuse still on the rise each year, and it feels like many people don’t fully understand just how serious and damaging this issue is for our society and future.

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  9. I love Amy Grant and the interview was powerful, Edward. Especially this: …”vulnerability is somehow in direct proportion to lighting, because as the sun went down, and we couldn’t see each other’s faces as clearly, the conversation got more vulnerable”… Something I’d never thought about in that way but what a true statement. Thank you so much. 💕

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    1. You’re welcome, Vicki. That was indeed an incredible and powerful statement. I love her too. I know all the songs from that album, and the song with Peter Cetera, The Next Time I Fall,” is incredible.

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  10. I had a friend whose life was absolutely destroyed when she found out her husband was sexually abusing their daughter. She suffered horribly from depression and guilt and died too young Her daughter seems to be doing well. Luca is another great song about the subject. Can’t think of the singer right now.

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  18. Thank you for bringing forth this difficult topic. Amy’s song is heart-crushing. National Child Abuse Prevention Month accompanies Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April. These two abuses often occur together. The world has been trying to stop these abuses for so long, it’s surprising they’re not obliterated by now. We can’t give up; children are depending on us.

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  19. Uh-oh, dude. I just got a “make sure you trust this link” notification when moving from your email notification to these comments. Thought you’d want to know. Knowledge is power. Congratulations on getting their attention.

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  21. Thank you for posting this. I agree the following sentiment wholeheartedly: “But I think one of the essentials of writing and creativity is to listen to another person’s story in such an interactive, embracing way that you actually are able to sing their story back to them.”2

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