The Power of Pronouns in Leadership: Taking Responsibility

Yesterday, I read an incredible insight by Army Lieutenant General (Retired) Jeffrey Buchanan on LinkedIn about the impact of using certain pronouns as a leader. This insight certainly applies to other aspects of our lives. Here is what he wrote: 

“Beware of your pronouns

No, this isn’t a post about what you call yourself. This is a short comment about your impression on others. About 35 years ago, I was a young captain attending a meeting where units briefed our higher commander on their training plans. The leader of a sister unit got up to speak and it seemed like every other word out of his mouth was “I,” “me,” or “my,” especially when referring to wins or accomplishments: “I did this” or “I did that” or “my battalion won this great competition.”

The only time he used inclusive words, such as “we,” “us,” or “our” was when he referred to failures, such as “we dropped the ball on this one.” I almost can’t describe how off-putting it was to me. Here was a leader who wanted to take credit for all the successes but shift the blame for failures to others. I don’t know if he honestly felt that way, or if somebody along his path had coached him to use that style. Regardless, it fell flat and I was sure as hell glad that he was not my commander.

The next time you owe your boss an update, consider using the opposite approach: “Our team did a great job on this project, but I dropped the ball on missing a key deadline.” See the difference?  

One impact of using such a style is that you appear a heck of a lot less arrogant to others. The more important effect is that when you routinely use inclusive words to highlight successes and personal pronouns to describe shortcomings, you assume responsibility for results, even poor ones. The assumption of responsibility tends to create better results, which is a win for the entire team.  

Your use of pronouns leads others to gain an impression and make assumptions about what kind of leader you are. Overuse of the personal pronouns of I, me and my can make you sound selfish and even narcissistic. Work instead on using inclusive words like we, us, and our. People don’t like to follow somebody who is in it only for themselves. Leadership is a team sport. Enjoy your leadership journey!”

Of course, the General is referring to leaders in all kinds of organizations, big or small, who tend to attribute success to themselves and blame others for their failures, while also showing a better approach to leadership. However, when I read his comments, my mind turned to a different type of leader—bad and corrupt ones, mainly men who have been in the news media this year. These men use third-person female pronouns to shift responsibility.

Instead of saying, “I made the mistake,” or “my insatiable desire for fame led me to,” or “I crossed the line and I deserve jail time for what I did,” some men are quick to shift the blame by saying, “she kept things from me,” as in the case of former Senator Robert Menendez, or “she initiated the inappropriate behavior,” as in the case of former Pastor Robert Morris, who engaged in sexual misconduct with an underage girl (she was 12 years old).

I think the General is right. When you routinely use the right pronouns to highlight successes and personal pronouns to describe shortcomings, you demonstrate tremendous leadership at work and at home. More importantly, you assume responsibility for results, even poor ones.

44 thoughts on “The Power of Pronouns in Leadership: Taking Responsibility”

  4. “The more important effect is that when you routinely use inclusive words to highlight successes and personal pronouns to describe shortcomings, you assume responsibility for results, even poor ones. The assumption of responsibility tends to create better results, which is a win for the entire team. ” Absolutely! Thank you for sharing this truth, Edward. If only responsibility and accountability were practiced by many so-called leaders.

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  6. Hi Edward, a very insightful commentary. I have a diverse neurology so I think very differently from most people. My whole working life has been being the ignored we while people senior to me, the Is, take credit for my ideas and work. It ends in a demotivated and dissatisfied we. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. You’re welcome. You’re absolutely right about the devastating effects on individuals when supervisors and senior people don’t recognize great ideas from team members. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for a supervisor to say, for example, “We are about to implement this process, which, by the way, was originated by Robbie, a member of our team…” It shows great leadership to listen to team members and promote their contributions.

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  7. I love your point. Beautifully made, Edward in this statement, among others you offered: “The only time he used inclusive words, such as “we,” “us,” or “our” was when he referred to failures…”. A terrific way to assess leadership. Listen. Learn. 😉

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  10. Wonderful post, Edward! The excessive use of personal pronouns in detriment of inclusive ones seems more a egoistic vanity than true leadership. A true leader is humble enough to know that he or she is not achieving anything alone. It is always teamwork that, if he or she orchestrates well, can culminate in great achievements that benefit all. Thank you for adding greater understanding on this! Light and blessings to you, my friend!!

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    1. You’re right. Some military leaders don’t give credit to their troops, and when they do, they don’t really mean it. I’ve experienced that way too many times. Then, when these leaders are in a pickle, they tend to suffer alone from the consequences of their hypocrisy.

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  14. When I was a little girl I learned the literary device from Miss Manners of referring to myself (the author) in the third person. She could manage to sound civilized while saying even sharply critical or facetious things just by phrasing them, “Miss Manners has always observed…”

    I took a page from her book, so to speak, and much later when I wrote my book on homelessness ~ as a homeless person myself ~ this technique kept that lead-heavy subject sufficiently entertaining to carry it into readership in three dozen countries.

    It’s been so generally useful even presently, in addressing the also often weighty subject matter of classic poetry, that I’ve come to use it as default ~ the only times I move to first person is when I think coming off as confrontive will augment the message, which isn’t often. Works like a charm, I notice, when I do!

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