Gratefulness Tolerance

Every morning, I sit in the same spot to savor my cup of coffee. I like this spot because it offers a nice view of nearby farms, allowing me to appreciate the rolling hills and the beautiful sunrise while enjoying my hot cup of black Puerto Rican coffee. The tranquility of my quiet neighborhood is one of the reasons I love living here.

As I sat there, feeling grateful for the things I have, my mind wandered to one of Robert Wicks’ books, titled “Perspective.” In it, the author explores the theme of gratitude and warns about the dangers of what he terms “gratefulness tolerance.”

Wicks shares a childhood memory when his father sat on the edge of his bed one morning and gifted him a beautiful toy musket that shot a cork attached to a string. This simple act remains one of the most precious gifts he has ever received. He goes on to recount another memorable experience in his twenties, living with an older couple on a farm. He describes that moment like this, “I was suffering from a terrible cold and decided to take a nap. After a couple of hours in bed, I heard an almost inaudible knock at the door. When I said ‘Come in,’ the woman who owned the house stuck her head in and said, ‘Are you up to having a hot cup of tea and a slide of homemade blueberry pie?’ When I nodded yes, she closed the door, and I got dressed and went down to the kitchen. I remember sitting at the table, the tea warming me inside, and eating what I still think is the richest piece of blueberry pie I have ever had. Just like the surprise in childhood, this small gift gave me such a large experience of life that it makes me ask to this day, “What happened to such simple, powerful moments when we were able to enjoy life to the fullest?” (Wicks, 99) 

Wicks then quotes a psychiatrist who observes, “To put it in more modern psychological terms, most of us become desensitized or habituated to the especially delicate experiences of life. Most of us live in a world of overstimulation and sensory overload. Without realizing it, we erect defenses against our own perceptions in order to avoid being overwhelmed. We find ourselves no longer appreciative of the subtle sensations, delicate fragrance, soft sounds, and exquisite feelings we enjoyed as children. Like addicts experiencing tolerance – the need for more and more drugs to sustain their effect – many of us find ourselves seeking increasingly powerful stimulation to keep our enjoyment and satisfaction going.” (Wicks, 100) 

This same psychiatrist then “encouraged us to recover our innocence, as well as to reestablish a new perspective and greater sensitivity, so that profound peace, exquisite joy, and the fullness of love may become possible again.” (Wicks, 100) 

The author then says something interesting, “for that to happen we must stop deluding ourselves about an idea that isn’t really true: that we are already grateful.” (Wicks, 100)

Next, Wicks says something that I think is true about most of us. “For some people, life seems such a chore that even though they have so much, they overdramatize anything negative that comes their way. They clearly have failed to embrace the axiom about having a healthy perspective: contentment of what you already have. This lack of true gratefulness if partly due to a failure to realize the reality of impermanence and the danger of a habit or anxiety-driven life.” (Wicks, 101)

I want to end this post by encouraging you to take a moment this weekend to reflect, appreciate, and be grateful for the life and things you have. Time is short, and every day is a blessing.

Source:

Wicks, Robert J. Perspective: The Calm within the Storm. (P. 98-101). New York, Oxford University Press, 2014

36 thoughts on “Gratefulness Tolerance”

  8. Your words transported me to Puerto Rico and I was smiling toasting you to coffee as I was drinking mine, Edward. My shoulders relaxed as I was trying for finish up here and I drank in your words and Wick’s as well, grateful for a voice of joy and moments to be grateful for. Thank you, Edward❣️

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  14. What a fascinating topic, Edward. Thank you so much for the food for thought about whether we’re short-circuiting our own ability to be grateful. Love having this note to go into the weekend with. Many thanks!

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