What Great Leaders Do Differently: A Personal Reflection on Leadership

A little over two months ago, I wrote a post about toxic leadership, sharing a definition and some of the destructive behaviors under that leadership style. After reading it, Brian from Writing from the Heart suggested that I write about the great leaders I’ve known—and how they stood apart from the toxic ones.

Today, I want to follow up on that suggestion and highlight some of the personality traits that effective leaders possess, especially those I had the privilege of working with during my military career. These were senior leaders—many with over 30 years of experience—who understood leadership not as power, but as responsibility.

Traits of an Effective Leader

So, what makes a good leader truly effective? According to “Leadership: Research Findings, Practice, and Skills” by Andrew J. Dubrin, these traits are:1

  • Self-confidence
  • Humility
  • Trustworthiness
  • Warmth
  • Extraversion (Extroverts)
  • Assertiveness
  • Sense of humor
  • Enthusiasm
  • Emotional stability

A note on extraversion: I believe that introverts can behave like extroverts when needed. I’ve done it for over three decades. It’s exhausting, but it’s possible, as long as we find time to recharge.

These qualities are, in many cases, the opposite of what we see in toxic leaders, whose traits often include:

  • Self-centeredness and narcissism
  • Abusive or humiliating behavior
  • Manipulation and exploitation
  • Rigid control and intimidation
  • Lack of empathy and ethics

No one wants to follow a toxic leader. But sometimes, we don’t have a choice. We do the best we can to endure, stay focused on the mission, and support our teammates.

Surviving Toxic Leadership

Here are a few examples of the toxic behaviors I endured:

  • Waiting in my office for a late email from our Chief of Staff—he wanted us to read it, identify our tasks, and acknowledge them before heading home. The emails usually came between 6–7 p.m.
  • Getting phone calls on the weekend just to be pre-informed of something my boss planned to tell me on Monday.
  • Being cursed at or yelled at during phone calls.
  • Staff being threatened with poor annual appraisals if they didn’t follow orders.
  • A boss who was charming in the morning but tyrannical by the afternoon.
  • Unclear expectations—he couldn’t articulate what he wanted, even when asked multiple times.
  • Sitting through three-hour meetings that went in circles over trivial matters.

The list goes on, but I was also fortunate to work for some truly outstanding leaders, and that made all the difference.

Learning from the Best

I’ll never forget one general officer in particular. His vision and intent were so clear that, when he spoke in meetings, we immediately knew what needed to be done and the expected timeframe, without needing detailed tasks. We took notes like students listening to a master teacher. What he said was intellectually stimulating and purposeful. I never once saw him lose his composure, not even in combat.

Another Chief of Staff—unlike the one who made us wait for his nightly emails—developed a system where he outlined weekly priorities, tasks, and requests in an online document. We checked it daily, made updates, and discussed it during our weekly meeting. At most, the meeting lasted 30 minutes.

One boss required read-ahead slides before meetings. If his questions were answered, the meeting was canceled. If we met, he gave updates, asked only the unresolved questions, and we wrapped up in 20–30 minutes.

My last Chief of Staff was so knowledgeable about his team’s work that he rarely needed to call us when questions arose from higher headquarters. He answered with confidence and precision.

Most importantly, the organizations led by these kinds of leaders consistently outperformed others. They retained quality people. Morale was high. The mission got done, and people actually enjoyed doing it.

What Set Them Apart?

These leaders were:

  • Excellent communicators
  • Clear on their vision and mission
  • Trustworthy
  • Emotionally stable
  • Self-confident
  • People-centered
  • Non-micromanagers
  • Contagiously enthusiastic

For me, the clearest sign of a great leader is this: 

I want to give them my best. I want to see them succeed.

Toxic leaders, on the other hand, drain your energy and make you dread coming to work. Yet, we still carry on. Because in the end, there’s a mission bigger than the toxic boss—and a lot of good people depending on you to (1) shield them from that toxicity and (2) take care of them.

Leadership is not about being in charge, it’s about taking care of those in your charge.

The best leaders I’ve known understood that deeply. And because of them, I’m a better leader myself.

If you’ve had the privilege of serving under a great leader, you know what a difference it makes. If you haven’t yet, just know, they do exist. And they are worth emulating.

  1. Dubrin, Andrew J. Leadership – Research Findings, Practice, and Skills. (p. 34). 
    Massachusetts: Houghton Mifflin Company ↩︎

61 thoughts on “What Great Leaders Do Differently: A Personal Reflection on Leadership”

  2. Thank you for your informative post, Edward. Brought me back to some of my graduate coursework – in Educational Leadership. 👍🏻 Sorry to read about the toxic behavior you endured from a “leader.” Toxic leaders make life miserable, and it seems they are prevalent. Great list on effective leaders!

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    1. You’re welcome, my friend. I’m glad the post brought you back to your college days, hopefully a good time between the books. Yeah, I think we all encounter at least one leader with toxic tendencies over the course of our careers. In my case, because we switch jobs and locations every two or three years, I’ve had more leaders to deal with, and of course, a small percentage of those were toxic. I’m afraid the current environment is fostering even more toxic leadership, which is sad, and I hope it changes in the near future. Thank you for reading, Michele. 🙏🏼

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  3. You’ve highlighted the traits of great leaders and ones to stay clear of if possible, Edward but how…. unless you confront them and or move on. Sometimes it’s necessary, like when being yelled at when you are on the phone. Hello?
    Humor is something we have to hold on to through it all, that’s for sure!
    💗

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    1. Oh, my friend, I confronted the one who cursed me out. It was a very interesting and heated conversation, and that person never did it again. In my experience over the years, most toxic leaders eventually fall on their own sword and face the consequences alone, because no one comes to their rescue. Unless something is really getting on my nerves or directly affecting the lives of others, I usually ignore them. They’ll face the consequences of their actions sooner or later.

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      1. Oh good for you and how could I expect anything less. I love that! You’re so very right and that makes a lot of sense. I keep thinking that should be happening here any time soon with the issues at hand and now I wonder how, when and WTH. Waiting patiently! 💕

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  4. Hey Edward! I love that you’re writing about leadership and overall self-improvement!

    I’m new to WordPress, so I’m still learning how to make my website better. You seem like a good leadership yourself and I was wondering if you had any tips of how I could improve the overall design of my website. Anything would truly help! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thank you, and welcome to the WordPress community! I saw your website, it has a great design. Keep things simple for now, and with time, you’ll gain more knowledge and probably make some adjustments to your site and your writing style. Again, thank you for reading and for your presence here.

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  8. Our politicians today forget how they got there and the promises they made to get there. They have lost respect for the people that need them most, the people that don’t have the greatest of financial resources and the people that work the hardest in our country.

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    1. That’s true. I’m also concerned about the promises they make, even though they know those promises are bad for the country. Instead of explaining why the ideas are harmful and presenting better ones, they go ahead with them, because all they care about is power, not the people.

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  9. I like that you highlight the importance of humility and a sense of humor in a leader. Those two characteristics are sorely lacking on Pennsylvania Avenue today. As you show with the examples you’ve given, leadership is a position of service, organizing people while treating them with respect. Thank you for leading by example, in your work and in your life, Edward.

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  11. Worth emulating indeed! Love the contrast you paint so well here, Edward. And your note that when working for good leaders the organizations ” consistently outperformed others. They retained quality people.” Yes – it’s not only refreshing but it works! Great post!

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  14. This is so perfectly expressed, Edward (actually your entire post prompted head nods throughout) but this most of all – about being in the presence of a truly great leader:
    “I want to give them my best. I want to see them succeed.”
    Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! And thank you for the reminder to those who’ve yet to encounter such a role model…an inspirational leader. The DO exist and I’d say you’re a stellar example. xo! 🥰

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  15. Working for someone who falls in the “great leader” category is a pleasure and a privilege. Not so at all for leaders who are in love with their title but not up to the task, on one or several of the excellent points you raise.

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      1. We’re about to head out to the funeral of the epitome of a great leader. He was VP Finance and Admin at our university, and lived a good long life after retirement. Key assets: he treated everyone at every level with respect; his judgment could always be trusted; he had a good sense of humor; he was a gentleman. Now that I think of it, one might say the same thing about our prime minister!

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  17. Wonderful article, Edward. Loved the comparison between effective and toxic leaders. It is very clear that the first is there to serve, while the last is there to take. A clear vision and a good heart make all the difference. And that’s what is most missing (unfortunately) in many leaders. Thank you for wrapping it all so well! I enjoyed this reading. With appreciation, sending you light and blessings 🙏✨🌈

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  19. During my career, I worked for many great leaders, and some not-so-great ones. I love that you called out humility in the list. Great leaders recognize they don’t know everything and that they can learn from others. And they don’t feel the need to hog the credit for the work of others because they know that having good people working for them is a sign of their strong leadership.

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    1. Thank you for reading and sharing that, Michelle, especially the point about taking the credit. I’ve seen so many people take credit without acknowledging the team, and that destroys morale.

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    1. It’s great that you had the experience of working with him, and terrible what the board did. I’ve seen that happen before, mainly when the leader isn’t a yes-man. Thank you, Liz for sharing your experience.

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      1. You’re welcome. It was just awful. There had to have been litigation happening because there was no announcement of his departure. His admin assistant stayed in place to answer his phone in front of his empty office. His executive assistant stayed in place as well. After he’d been gone for months, the formal announcement from the Board finally came.

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        1. Wow, incredible. That showed poor leadership on the part of the board and whoever was overall in charge. Something like that deserves a team meeting and an explanation of why the decision was made.

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  22. Dwight D. Eisenhower was the epitome of great leadership. As an Army general, Ike succeeded as a commander of an Allied force because he excelled at establishing good relationships with soldiers and politicians alike, and from different nationalities at that. We don’t know how good a combat commander he would have been as a division, corps, or field army commander; he usually drew staff assignments after the 1930s, unlike his friend and future subordinate George S. Patton, Jr. But I can’t imagine Patton or Douglas MacArthur in command at Supreme Headquarters, Allied Expeditionary Force and dealing with, say, the intrigues of Field Marshall Montgomery during the campaigns of 1944-45.

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    1. Very true, Alex. He was a great leader, so good that he was quickly promoted through the ranks, despite having little combat experience, to lead the greatest force ever assembled. Only a true leader could have pulled that off.

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