It’s Not Complicated—Unless You Make It: My Thoughts on Male-Female Friendships

Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

What a great question, and perfect for a WordPress prompt.

It’s the title of an article I haven’t read yet, but I’m going to answer it anyway. Later this week, I’ll read the article and see if my response aligns with its content. I took a quick peek, and it’s two pages long. It opens with the famous line from When Harry Met Sally: “The sex part always gets in the way.” I’m sure it will include some research data, and maybe even a religious perspective.

Here’s my bottom-line answer: From my perspective, No, if you see women as objects. But Yes, if you see them as equals.

I’m going to explain my view here, and I’ll likely write a Part 2 after I read the article so I can offer additional commentary.

Let’s start with a definition. According to Merriam-Webster, a friend is:1

  1. (a) One attached to another by affection or esteem, (b) Acquaintance
  2. (a) One that is not hostile, (b) One that is of the same nation, party, or group
  3. One that favors or promotes something (such as a charity)
  4. A favored companion
  5. Friend: a member of a Christian sect (the Quakers) that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war
  6. A person included in a list of one’s designated connections on a social media service

For the purpose of this post, we can probably set aside definition #5.

The American Heritage Dictionary offers a fascinating history of the word friend:

“The relationship between Latin amīcus (‘friend’) and amō (‘I love’) is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos (‘friend’) and phileō (‘I love’). In English, though, we have to go back a millennium to see a verb clearly connected to friend. Frēond, the Old English source of modern friend, is related to the Old English verb frēon (‘to love, like, honor, set free [from slavery or confinement]’). Specifically, frēond comes from the present participle of the Germanic ancestor of frēon, and thus originally meant ‘one who loves.’ (The Old English verb frēon, by the way, survives in modern English as to free.) The Germanic root of frēondand frēon is *frī-, which meant ‘to like, love, be friendly to.’ Closely linked to these concepts is that of peace, and in fact Germanic formed a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are names like Frederick (‘peaceful ruler’) and Siegfried (‘victory peace’). The root also appears in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday(‘day of Frigg’), a translation of Latin Veneris diēs (‘day of Venus’).”2

Philosophy has also weighed in on friendship. Aristotle argued that only “virtuous” friendships, between people who admire each other’s goodness, are perfect and lasting.3 Roman Stoics like Seneca and Epictetus treated friendship as a bond of trust and support.

Jesus even calls his disciples friends (John 15:15), emphasizing intimacy and trust.

I didn’t see anything overtly sexual in the dictionary definitions, the etymology, or the philosophical and religious perspectives on friendship. So, going back to my main point: for men, the issue comes down to whether they see women as objects or as equals.

While growing up, I had many female friends. I never had any issues, I treated them the same as I did my male friends, within reason of course. (Sometimes boys punch each other for fun, if you can believe that, but I didn’t do that with my female friends!)

During my professional life, I’ve had the opportunity to work and share space with both men and women. I’ve worked for many women and had many working for me. At work, the focus should generally be on completing tasks and achieving goals, not necessarily on building friendships. But we’re human, so it’s natural for friendships to form.

Over the years, I’ve only become close friends with one co-worker, a man, because we connected through charity work and stayed in touch long after. Of course, single people might form deeper relationships that grow into partnerships or marriages, but that’s a separate topic.

I believe friendship should reflect what Aristotle described: a virtuous relationship. The level of trust you share determines the depth of your conversations and how involved you become in each other’s lives, whether you’re a man or a woman.

One issue we face in today’s society is the lack of friendships between men and women. If men don’t have women in their circle of trust, women who can offer thoughtful advice and perspective, the world suffers. I don’t need to elaborate too much on that. Just look around and you’ll see the consequences reflected in the many conflicts happening around the world.

Men need more women friends.

How many times have you seen or heard something like this: A man asks another man about college choices for his son, and the answer centers on how strong the varsity team is at a particular university. A woman friend, on the other hand, might focus on academics. Sure, this is a simplistic example, and the reverse can happen, but the point is: having both male and female friends gives you more diverse and well-rounded advice.

If men can see women as equals and build true friendships with them, not only men, but society as a whole, will benefit.

I’m really looking forward to reading the article and sharing additional comments.

In the meantime, what do you think? Can men and women just be friends?

  1. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friends#dictionary-entry-1 ↩︎
  2. https://www.ahdictionary.com/word/search.html?q=friend ↩︎
  3. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/friendship/#:~:text=In%20philosophical%20discussions%20of%20friendship%2C,to%20involve%20a%20concern%20for ↩︎

44 thoughts on “It’s Not Complicated—Unless You Make It: My Thoughts on Male-Female Friendships”

  2. I think women and men can be friends. Evan and I consider you and your wife our friends. A lot of people in Wisconsin seem to think women and men can’t be friends, so I’ve tended to limit my conversations with the male parents of Eagle’s friends. We have friends (oh, you met them 🙂 where we know a man and a woman who are committed partners. Over the years both people have become our friends. Great topic, Edward. Respect, and boundaries are important. Spending a lot of time alone with someone who is not one’s partner might lead to complications.

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    1. Thank you, Rebecca. We also consider you and Evan our friends. It was a pleasure meeting your friends that day, they’re wonderful. I completely agree with your last point. I’ve seen many marriages fall apart over the years because boundaries weren’t set.

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  3. This is an interesting concept, and I believe you have it right, Edward. I have many male friends. The problem is when I’m involved in a serious relationship and that person feels threatened by my male friends.

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    1. That’s a tough one, Mary. I think distrust often exists regardless of gender in relationships. It takes time to shift our mindset after years of absorbing the wrong message. Learning to trust is a process.

      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, my friend.

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  4. I don’t believe I’ve ever read an article on this topic. You’ve selected a unique one and presented points that are valuable and thought provoking. Thank you for your share, Edward. Of course, I believe men and women can be just friends. Although I have more women friends than men, I value my male friends and their perspectives. As for men who treat women as objects, can’t imagine why a woman would want to associate with that behavior, not for long and not by choice.

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    1. I’m with you, and I can’t imagine it either. What you said about, “not being by choice,” really gives me something to think about. It’s terrible that some people don’t allow others to have a choice. Thank you, Michele, for reading and for sharing your thoughts.

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  7. I like your answer and conclusion, Edward. Working in tech, I’ve worked mostly with men and made many friends. Mountain climbing was also male dominated so I’ve spent a lot of time hanging out with guys. It makes the world a better place to have balanced friendships. And now, my closest friend is a guy so I agree that men and women can be friends. Love your distinction between objects and equals – probably a regard that applies no matter the gender!

    Looking forward to part 2!

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  9. I think that here you said it all: “If men can see women as equals and build true friendships with them, not only men, but society as a whole, will benefit.” Most personal and global problems exist because of an excess of patriarchal/masculine energy. There’s a lack of softness, real care, and deeper intuitive perspective, which is typical for the feminine archetype. More balance between feminine and masculine energies would solve so many issues on a personal level and in society. So, yes, men and women should not only be friends, but it is also imperative that they do for the greatest good of all. Loved this piece so much. You touched something precious here that seems to have been lost since very ancient times. Something that now needs to be recaptured so we can all live better and in harmony. Deeply appreciated, Edward. Light and blessings to you, my friend; have a peaceful day 🙏✨🌈

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    1. Thank you so much, Susana, for your thoughtful comment. I think you’re right—there’s a real need to soften how we deal with others, keeping humanity at the center. Sometimes we focus too much on strong and violent responses instead of opening a dialogue to find consensus and a better path forward. Women are key to that endeavor, so men need to learn how to engage in healthy relationships.

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  10. Yes, have read the article but will probably remember yours more. You explore friendship and the issue of equality and respect. However, in both my generation and even my daughters I see the opposite sex friendships often fall away with marriage.

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    1. I think that in some cases, marriage can be a factor. Depending on each couple’s situation, friendships are now often formed within the community, for example, through volunteer or charity work, or by being members of a church or similar organizations. Things definitely change as we get older. Thank you for reading and commenting.

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  13. I believe they can. You must tread carefully, though. If you are involved in a relationship, being too close to another female is not wise. I just witnessed someone jeopardize his marriage because he got emotionally involved with another woman. His marriage may have already been in trouble. This did not help. Also, women are emotional; developing a close friendship can go sideways, even if unintentional. These are my thoughts.

    On Wed, Jun 25, 2025 at 1:38 PM Thoughts about leadership, history, and

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  14. You certainly have opened some interesting and divergent responses to this post, Edward! 😏 I agree with you wrt living within an environment where men and women consider each other as equals – and respectfully – makes the difference. It is a richer life if men and women can see each other as friends. I’m fortunate to be able to say that I have always worked and lived in such environments. You won’t be surprised to hear that I have many male friends as well as women friends.

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    1. I know, but it’s good to read what other people have to say, even if I disagree. An environment where women and men can support each other and build healthy friendships is a good thing. Of course, it doesn’t surprise me that you have many friends, who wouldn’t want to be your friend?

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  16. if you go on Kriss Reese on youtube and watch her video’s you will find it

    If you ask married military men and ask them how many of their wives cheated on them when they were gone you might be surprised I was in the army and saw a lot of it

    Ask any PS.W. in seniors home what women are like. Again I worked there and most women were far worse than the men

    Being a care giver I see far more abusive mothers than fathers

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    1. Thank you for the link. I was in the Army for almost 30 years and deployed four times. I counseled many married soldiers, and that was not my experience. We can’t generalize. In the few cases I did see in the Army, the root problem was men preying on young wives and taking advantage of them. The same goes for senior homes, we need to look at it on a case-by-case basis.

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    2. So, I listened to and read what she said, and I noticed two things: (1) the 87% refers to all Christians, both men and women, and (2) she mentioned that the number isn’t statistically proven but based on her personal experience.

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    1. Can you send me the link to that report? I’d like to read it and check the source. A narcissist is a self-centered person with an exaggerated sense of self-importance. I think many people would agree that a few narcissistic men are currently running countries. In my experience, most men who abandon their families are narcissists. If what you said were true, then a lot of women would be abandoning their families as soon as their husbands take off, and that’s definitely not the case. Think about the women in your life; I’m sure you don’t think of them that way.

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  20. My ex son in law belongs to a whole class of people who consider it “respect” NEVER to speak ~ at all, for any reason ~ to a female guest who is partnered with male guest present.

    My most respectful expression of incredulity at this was taken as ignorance too great to understand or care about the meaning of respect. It goes very deep.

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    1. Yes, there are a lot of people who think that way. I think it’s wrong, and it’s painful to watch. We only need to enter a building where men and women are seated separately to see how terrible that line of thought is. Thank you for reading and sharing that, my friend.

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      1. To me, blocking oneself right at the gate from fully one half of the human race is counterproductive beyond belief.

        But there’s something else about this class (and to some degree all the others too) ~ “conversation” to them means saying one or two of a very limited list of sentences, over and over. Any other sentence is suspect. So they’re not losing as much as you or I would by foregoing it.

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